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Where is My Sign?

Seeing death as the end of life is like seeing the horizon as the end of the ocean.  David Searls

Many grievers:

  •  Talk about wanting a sign from their deceased loved one, while others…
  • Wait for a sign, while others…
  • Question why they don’t receive a sign, while others…
  • Increase their grief by impatiently waiting for their loved one to “come through” for them    

If continuing connections was so easy, all grievers would be receiving signs all the time during their grief and we’d all recognize that there actually was no veil between our physical world and the other side. (Heaven, nirvana, eternity, afterlife, hereafter, paradise, etc) But, presently there still is a veil between the other side and the physical world. This means if we want to receive messages from our loved ones we must learn how to receive their messages. (Remember: this is a new two way continuing relationship with your loved one) 

Receiving a sign is not like picking up your telephone and accepting a call that someone else chose to bestow upon you. The receiver (in this case, the person in the physical form) is not a bystander in the process. Because it is a new kind of relationship, both must learn how to communicate within it.

First, be assured all of our loved ones want us to know:  

  • That they are OK  
  • That they made it to the other side  
  • That they are not dead (or resting in peace)  
  • That they no longer hurt or have pain, disease or illness they had in their physical life
  • That they are not alone, (they are with all their loved ones and animal friends who passed before them)
  • That they still “live” and that they (their spirit) are always with you even though you may not be able to touch or see them. (This is where trust is important in the grief process) But spirit energies cannot send any messages, signs or communications without the willingness, ability, attention and discernment of the receiving physical human.   

Like a telephone call, the sender (your deceased loved one) must send a sign to you. They need to learn how to manipulate energy to be able to “send” a message and you (in the physical world) must learn to recognize the “ring” of the call (the sign) you are receiving and you have to decide whether to “take” that call or not. (This hardly makes sense when we all want a message but can’t receive because we don’t realize that we are responsible to receive them.)

Your (spirit) loved one:  Every spirit is different and may need “time” to be able to respond to a plea for a sign. (There is no time on the other side but some do need to acclimate and learn how to communicate with energy.) Difficult as it may be for the griever to think in these terms, it is important to think about your loved one’s life and time also. (if you believe in eternal life, take a moment to think about what they are doing) You are not “bothering” them by asking for a sign but they may not be able to respond on your timeline or you may not be able to receive their communication.

You, the Griever:  First the griever needs to be able to receive a sign. (Think: you need to be (1) Aware: hear the telephone ring, to (2) Notice: know to and how to answer it and (3) Trust that it is ringing.This is not an easy task when one is grieving as the pain of grief changes previously held abilities to levels of unrecognizable functioning. There are various pieces to receiving signs.

  ~ First:  Know that demanding, begging, emotional pleas do not produce signs and messages regardless of the love between you two or your need for the validation. Our loved ones in spirit know what they are doing (and know more about the overall plan of our lives than we do) and so we must trust them.    

  ~Second: Open yourself to the possibilities of signs and messages. This means understanding that you may not receive the same “sign” (feathers, coins, hearts, butterflies, birds, dragonflies, etc) as someone else has recognized. What is important to you (and your loved one knows what that is!) and what you will recognize is what will be sent to you.

  ~Third: Trust what you experience! Many people rationalize or intellectualize situations, experiences, or activities as coincidence or fear that others may not agree with them or view them as “crazy.” The new relationship will grow as you trust what you receive. Thank them, acknowledge them and ask for continued communication through signs.

Signs may be subtle, may not be a major production and they may not be sent as often as the griever wants or needs them. This new (continuing) relationship is based on trust and they know how important it is for the griever to develop trust in their life journey. 

What is the usual message they want us to know? They want us to know they did not disappear. They did not desert us. They continue to live (only differently) and they are still with us. 

Signs, messages and communication from our loved ones are all around us. To receive them, we need to step out of our grief for a moment to move into our heart and realize that our loved ones are always with us. The “piece of me that is missing since their death” although difficult to imagine, is not missing but has been changed into a different form.

There are no final good byes. You can continue your relationship with your loved one. It will be different, it will be on a different level but it can and will be better. It takes trust to believe that. But, the spirit world and maintaining connections with those who inhabit it is not a matter of belief. It is trust.

 I don’t know about you, but I don’t believe in beliefs. I know. I know our loved ones live in the spirit world and I know they are still with us … here. To our expanding horizons,  Chris

 What signs have you experienced?


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About the Author

Chris Mulligan’s son's death challenged her 25 years experience as an adoption social worker, her MS in Clinical Child, Youth and Family Work and her beliefs and values. Their continuing relationship and ongoing communication changed her and introduced her to a new life of gifts, gratitude and growth. Her book, Afterlife Agreements: A Gift From Beyond details these changes and the development of this new relationship. Since Zac's October 2000 death, she has documented over 11 years of communication with him and other spirits on the other side. Her website is: and and her monthly newsletter is "Living Differently."

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