Work On Your Inner Life Even As You Mourn

All successes in life, especially when adapting to the death of our loved ones, depends on the quality of our inner life. The quality of that mindset directly depends on the beliefs, thoughts, choices, experiences, and commitment we generate to face the numerous changes that the absence of our loved ones brings.

So the first belief to ponder and strongly embrace is the cold hard fact that it all depends on us, with a little help from our friends. But in the final analysis, it is what we think and do, as we experience the deep pain of separation and loss, which becomes the basis for how we adapt. Or as a widow once said to me, "I finally realized I had to do it or it wasn't going to happen." This means what we choose to do on a daily basis, given the fact that some days will be infinitely more difficult to deal with than others. The point is every day counts as we have to make a comeback after a bad day.

Accepting the reality of the death of our loved one is widely considered the number one task of grieving. Of course, it easier said than done. However, recognize that placing priority on achieving peace of mind will eventually lead us to the acceptance goal. Where can we begin to build habits and routines that bring peace? Here are five starters for finding inner peace.

1. Develop greater spiritual awareness. The late psychiatrist, Elisabeth Targ said, "Despite sour faces from some traditional psychiatrists, spiritual orientation and practice are clearly associated with greater quality of life, less depression, and less anxiety as well as greater longevity." And there are numerous studies to back up her statement.

Much has been written about spirituality and non-physical reality. The word "spirituality" has many different meanings. Find yours. Browse through your local library or bookstore for readings on the topic. Look at the writings of psychotherapist Thomas Moore or C.S. Lewis. Delve deeper into your own spiritual traditions. Spirituality counts big time in adapting.

2. Change the tone of your inner voice. The way you speak to yourself has a crucial effect on how you feel both physically and mentally. That same inner dialogue builds up or tears down your self-esteem. Never forget: the way you talk to yourself affects every cell in your body for good or in stealing precious energy needed to cope with your loss. Focus on the tone of voice you are using. Does it love? Is it gentle? Or is it discouraging, harsh, and lacking in confidence? You can change it right now. It is one of the great choices we can all make. You are worthy and more gifted than you realize. Make a vow to change.

3. Set your daily intention with a ritual. Decide what you want to accomplish each day. Be specific. Write it down the night before. Perhaps it is going to a particular place alone for the first time. Or maybe it is facing some of the financial paper work, a common stressor for many. It could be deciding to give away some items that belonged to your loved one. Whatever the goal, create a positive ritual to start the day.

It could be an early morning walk in a natural setting. It could be a prayer for assistance or speaking to your loved one about what you must do. Then listen. Believe you are not alone or are grieving alone (a powerful belief). Say your intention out loud in your ritual and see yourself taking the first step to get it done.

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