The selfish side that just wanted my Mama to stay here with me had to stop being selfish and face the facts of what was happening no matter how I felt. I could not fathom my life without my best friend but I also could no longer watch my Mom suffer as her body gave in to the sepsis that was shutting her entire being down. I was alone, I called my pastor. He told me that the most loving thing I could do for my mom was to let her go. She had been through 12 long days of downhill hell and was only getting worse. I could not even say the words to the nurse in ICU so I had to write on a piece of paper. I simply said "I have to let her go". He asked me to say yes or no to the following question. He asked, "Do you want to remove your Mother's life support knowing that she is not going to recover anyhow and also understanding that when the life support is removed, your mom will soon pass away there after?" I shook my head yes. My mom fought for breathe for 2 hours as I was holding her and praying, singing her favorite hymns and finally letting her know that it was ok that she let go and go to Heaven to be with our Family. I told her to go see my brother that had passed when he was 36 years old. At 2:21 am, Feb 1st, 2018...she finally let go. I continued to hold her and cry, I couldn't let go!! Although I had to eventually let her go from my arms, I have not let her go in any other way. I yearn for my mom. EVERY DAY. I don't know if it will ever let up, this empty I feel in my heart. I love her and long to hear her voice, feel her hugs, hold her hand, smell the scent of oil of olay lotion that she used daily! :) Oh how I miss you so. MOM....I HOPE YOU HEAR ME WHEN I TALK TO YOU! I'm just not the same person because I still can't figure out how to be ok without my Mama here with me.