Many of you believe that you are the only person affected by these time triggers. That it is only you doing such things or feeling a particular way. In your grief it seems like you are going crazy when Thursday at 1pm comes around each week, or the 6th of every month. You are certainly not crazy.
So I wanted to share my clock story with you, in the hope that you will feel reassured that your experience is common to so many who are mourning the loss of a loved one.
Blessings, Maureen
The Day The Clock Stopped
Grief has changed me. Irrevocably. Never will my life be the same. My life has been split in half. The half I was before Stuart died and the half I am now. There is no going back. I also know that I have extra body parts, you might have them too.
I never knew I had a clock inside me until 1st December 2006. It seems I do. I can tell you exactly time by time frame what happened from that day on, like a snapshot in time captured perfectly. I can tell you the day was a Friday and started like any other. I can tell you what time I went to bed that night. I can also tell you what time the police woke me up. I can tell you what time it was when I phoned Stuart's brother and sister. I can tell you what time it was when the Royal Flying Doctor plane took off. I can tell you what time it was when I was crying in ICU, as they handed me a cup of tea. I can tell you what time it was when his Dad and I spoke about organ donation. I can tell you what time it was when we turned his life support off and I can tell you the exact time he died. That was the day the clock stopped! That moment was frozen in time, in me!
The clock then went back to ticking and tocking. For a while the clock ticked by weeks, stopping at that time on that particular day every week. Then the clock chronologically shifted to months. Every month on that day, at that time, it stopped. Starting again to tirelessly tick and tock. Once a year, at the exact minute of that exact day of that exact month the glass face on the clock shatters - as do I, for a moment in time.
I now know, the clock will keep on ticking, ticking on remembering always... and that's OK, it's one of my body parts now.
"Don't watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going."...Sam Levenson
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