Reflections on the Anniversary of a Child's Death: It Is Possible to Find Peace?

Today is the anniversary of my sister's death. It's 32 years since she died. After 32 years and a lot of personal development, I don't need to shed any more tears and I do acknowledge the date she died and my whole world changed. Anyone who has experienced the loss of a child will know that the death marks a 'before' and an 'after', for our worlds are never the same as they were before the child died.

I remember in detail the night she died and in looking back I see the excruciatingly painful passings of previous death anniversaries with my family. When I was still living at home the date would loom ahead with dread and the day itself would be quietly acknowledged within the family with ceremony or sharing of any kind. I could feel the pain and sadness that hung in the air and as the evening arrived, the events would replay themselves over and over.

An anniversary of death is as poignant as a birthday - it's not something that you ever forget. Yet there isn't the celebrating and often there isn't even the sharing with friends what the day signifies. Our vulnerability at that time can stop us from getting into 'awkward' situations where no one knows quite what to say. The death of a child is particularly challenging in this regard because it is something that stays with you forever, in a way that other deaths don't, and unless you have direct experience of such a tragic event, then you won't have the understanding of what this is like. Indeed, the general understanding that grief and grieving can be completed in a specific time (a few weeks or months, or possibly a year), is misguided. The experience of the death of a child in the family is like having your heart ripped out and such pain takes a long time to heal. Some question whether the healing is actually possible, and from my experience, I know that it is possible to come to a place of peace with what happened.

It is not only the death of the child which is marked by an anniversary of death, it also marks a life changing moment. In my own family we were living our everyday lives and within half an hour (I wasn't clock watching, so don't know precisely), in the time it took the ambulance to arrive our whole lives had changed forever.

There is no going back from such a moment. Life spans out before you wide and empty and it takes a long time to grasp hold of it and find how to relate to it again. It was 15 years before I could really begin to unwrap all the pain of that life changing event and the journey has been rocky to say the least. What I have learned along the way is that I am here for a reason and there are lessons for me to learn. I have trusted in my connection to Great Spirit and been held all the way, even when I felt I was alone and that no one cared. It is so true that we discover and develop our strengths through life's adversities. To have lived through and beyond the death of a child brings us to question everything there is. It brings us to know ourselves in a way that many people do not because we have been challenged at every level. It is as we reach the edge of our comfort zone and are pushed out way beyond it that we are forced to see who we are. In these moments we discover how we work, who we are and what is most important to us. In terms of spiritual development, events of such magnitude offer the possibility to get closer to our understanding of life, and the opportunity to awaken to what is truly important.

So today, on this 32nd anniversary of death, as I honour my sister and my family, I also honour all those who have experienced the loss of a child. I hold us all in my thoughts and prayers and send love to reach out to everyone to help heal one infinitesimal drop of your pain. I trust that when it is right for you, you will be able to come to a place of peace.

Through Loving Transformation, Ruby Starheart provides a unique service to parents and siblings grieving the loss of a child in their family. She supports you through grief and grieving, into healing and then on to find or rediscover your passion in life and then helps you to achieve it. For more information visit: http://www.loving-transformation.com

You can start today by signing up for the FREE 5 Step Mini Email Course and Discover the 5 BEST Steps to Overcoming the Loss of a Child: http://www.loving-transformation.com/what-next/mini-ecourse-sign-up-overcoming-the-loss-of-a-child/