13th Death Anniversry - Lucky or Not...

Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck. Dalai Lama

Thinking about my son's October 1st death anniversary, it struck me that it was the unlucky 13th anniversary. Now in another situation one might say - it's lucky 13 but, how can anyone ever imagine anything being lucky about a child's death?   

Now, some might think the following is due to a "stroke of luck" but I don't believe in luck... but,  if I did, I might say:

               * I was lucky to have caring parents who loved me

               * I was lucky to have experienced the loving relationships of the two wonderful boys that I raised

               * I was lucky Zac lived for 21 years

               * I was lucky Zac did not suffer before his death  (he told me he didn't)

               *  I was lucky to be able to say goodbye to him (although on life support, I WAS able to say goodbye and he verified this)

               * I was lucky to continue a relationship with Zac after his death through conversations, signs and messages

               * I was lucky that he was so supportive of my grieving process since his death

               * I was lucky that he has helped me write two books (actually, the second one is currently in the writing process)

Yes, some people might say that I was lucky in some of my life situations.

But...I would not be among them. Although grateful for the experiences and the resultant lessons, I do not believe luck contributes to our life trials, traumas or triumphs. 

No, I take responsibility for my choices in the pre-planning of my life. And, with that followed the gratitude for my choices which led to the learning in my life.

Now, it took some time to re-embrace this belief system after this life-changing event. Although years of studying books, seminars and study groups led to strong beliefs in the afterlife, eternal life and charting our life/spiritual lessons which culminated in a strong belief in this life philosophy, (Philosophy: Common sense in a dress suit according to Oliver S. Braston) the shock and pain of his death necessitated an "internalization" of this belief system.

In this internalization process after choosing to live life again, the heart softens and opens to allow a new "higher" version of the self to emerge. This process strengthens the ongoing trust necessary to move beyond beliefs. (beliefs are: the-thoughts-you-repeatedly-think-in-your-head)       

Next, gratitude, another step in this trusting process, allows the eyes to see the world differently. The heart softens, allowing the pain to settle and absorb itself in a section of the heart where it shares space with acceptance, faith and trust.

By viewing life differently, no, I don't feel luck has had any bearing on my life. I planned the circumstances in my life to learn the lessons I chose to learn.  My parents, friends, co-workers, family, acquaintances and children were all part of my learning. I am so grateful I planned to learn from all of them, especially my children, both of them - here and on the other side.

No, it was not luck that brought us together nor does luck have anything to do with this death anniversary.

 I am in awe of the piece of the mystery of life that my son has been instrumental in teaching me and I'm grateful for the "stroke of truth" I'm learning.   

Thank you Zac and thank you all for being a part of this journey. Chris

(P.S. How do you feel about this? What have you learned in your process?)