The 5th year


A very dear friend of mine, who has lost her own beloved son, asked me today how far in my journey was I. January 5th will be the fifth year so we are living though our fifth year now. Do I still cry for my son, oh yes, of course I do. Is there still pain and grief? Yes, I believe that will be with us forever, but time will erode some of the edges as we travel. I try not to let the grief overwhelm the life I am living. It can be pushed back for a short time.

Some days seem too long. There will always be triggers waiting to jump out at you. You learn to handle them. You learn to handle all that life is throwing at you and that is our strength. We have dealt with the worse and may deal with it again, so whatever life throws at you seems minor. 

Do I still put on a mask for others. Yes. Don't you? We need that mask because they don't want to deal with our sorrow. I know, we shouldn't have to hide it. This is how people are made. Most think you have the plague, yellow fever and measles. Many people have left our lives and we mourned them but let them go. The ones who stayed, rode out the storm countless times, they are the strong ones.

I am in that place of my journey where time took me. Anything about time can set us off. Not on purpose but it could happen. We always say time will help, or time will heal. Time has helped many get on with their lives to move forward. Some of us are moving forward at the slowest pace possible. We are the forgotten. But yeah, we are also strong. I hope you stay on your journey and find gentler days. All my love. "Forever Mom."







About the Author

 My son, Tim, passed on January 5th 2014 at the age of 34. He chose to end his life. So many things happened to bring him to that point. Believe it or not, I understand why. No matter how our child died, that is the keyword 'our child.' I wish you all gentle days and nights as you walk your path. Barbara, 'Forever Mom.'