Am I "cheating" on my grief when I dance with joy?

Dear friends,

I want to share something weighing on my heart.  As producer of the Good GRIEF Talk Show, I was inspired to launch a second radio show that would allow us to unabashedly discuss the authentic side of womanhood.  Called the Wisdom of Women Talk Show, we recently celebrated our inaugural episode.  Our guest was a professional and well-spoken Passion Party consultant and our topic was how to rekindle our aging intimate lives.  

The hour flew by quickly, and the broadcast was over before we knew it.  Afterwards, I reflected on how many times I had to mute my microphone so I could giggle like a schoolgirl at the delicate discussion in which I was a willing participant.  But truth be told, as a grieving mother, I felt like I was "cheating" on my grief by allowing myself to have fun for the hour.  After all, my daily endeavors are all about helping to raise grief awareness.  So was I doing us all a disservice by spending the hour enjoying myself? Would others think I'm "healed" or I've "moved on" when they hear a hearty laugh coming from the same woman who is a member of the Wailing Tent?  Shame on me for having fun after losing my beloved child!  Or not....    

The truth is, we are not "cheating" on our grief when we feel something other than sorrow.  Allowing ourselves to feel joy helps to balance the sadness and recharge our batteries.  And last night's inaugural episode of the Wisdom of Women Show featuring....ahem....passion enhancement products, was absolutely divine and it felt GOOD to laugh again.  And it gave me hope for the future.  Yes, I "cheated" on my grief last night and had a one-night stand with joy.  And I plan to do it again every Thursday.  

This August marks the fifth anniversary of losing our daughter Aly in a car accident, and I'm finally making baby steps that go forward rather than backwards.  Along with this milestone comes the hot flashes and ever deepening wrinkles that announce to the world that I'm no longer a spring chicken, and more like an aged hen.  Yet, I shudder to think of the years that still lay ahead unless I find a way to balance the profound sorrow with some form of enjoyment.  It doesn't truly matter in what form I find it, as long as I partake in it.

Yes, we are grievers.  But we are also women.  We don't need to roar, we just need to recharge our batteries a little to help us balance the sadness.  And if a sassy new talk show helps some of us do that, then I'm more than ready.  

Much light and love to you all.  -Lynda