Angela

The roller coaster of grief over the loss of a child. The grief of the unexpected loss of a child is so changeable. One hour you could feel nothing and the next hour or hours or days or weeks (yes keep going) you can feel so lonesome. The guilt that you could do nothing to prevent this enormous loss is always there is varying degrees. The pain of the aloneness is overwhelming. Especially at night. It is a cyclical thing. It is like an ocean tide. It is unpredictable. It is unexplainable. Knowing people cannot understand is so difficult. I have learned this, grief is ultimately a path one must walk alone. For each person's grief is different. That is the worst part. Of the grief walk. The loss of my daughter obviously is the nightmare I live with every day. I send out my love to my precious Sarah. I'm here for you. I love you. I treasure you.

 I see life differently now. I see life more brilliant than I ever did before. From the plants I'm trying to keep alive, to the sunshine I see outside, to the smile on children's faces. Unless one really lets go, really allows a higher power (in my case God, the only higher power who can help me I believe) I would never have even made it this far. I know I would be like a blind person walking down a the middle of a highway. I just have felt so dark, so desperate, so down and this faith I have been given literally keeps me alive. Gives me hope. I thank God for His love in my life. I have real proof just by His care that there is a God. It is not luck. It is not chance. He is real. In my sorrow He is here.

You have to let people grieve. You cannot stop it. You cannot prevent it. All one needs is love, acceptance, and to be free to talk about their loved one. Not everybody can or wants to hear you or this.