Dealing with Difficult Emotions

When we experience the death of a loved one we are thrown into a world of unknown emotions.  For some of us we may be experiencing emotions that we’ve never had before.  It’s important to recognise that there are no right or wrong emotions when it comes to loss.  It’s also important to recognise that not everyone will feel the same way as you.  We all have different relationships and experiences with the person who’s died.

Understanding and accepting our emotions is a key factor in allowing us to move forward through our grief.  Yet it can be hard to accept some emotions, especially anger, guilt and shame.  If we don’t accept them though we can never let them go and they stay within us, stopping us from moving forward and reconnecting with our loved one.

When we become trapped in difficult emotions it makes it harder for us to experience the more uplifting emotions related to the death of a loved one such as joy, love, peace, gratitude, curiosity, empathy, inspiration, enthusiasm and resilience.  While these emotions aren’t talked about as much they still exist and can help make our journey through grief easier for us.

There are a number of ways to deal with difficult emotions.  The following suggestions are designed to help you move through them so that you are able to find the love you have for your loved one, the gratitude for them being part of your life and the ability to move forward in life with your loved one alongside in spirit.

1. Keep a grief journal.  Whenever you are overwhelmed by challenging emotions, write about them.  Then later, when you are calmer, return and read what you have written.  Notice any themes that may be coming up again and again. 
2. Do exercise.  When you move your body you shift the energy within it.  Emotions can become stuck in our bodies.  Think of the tension in your shoulders from when you are stressed.  As you move you offer yourself a chance to shift you emotion.  Not only is the energetic field of the body changed but the brain produces feel good chemicals to raise your mood.  It doesn’t even have to be high impact exercise.  A simple walk can work wonders.
3. Try alternative therapies such as Reiki and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT).  These therapies are designed to shift energy and emotions within the body so that you can experience peace and healing. 

Questions for Self-Reflection:

• How do you normally deal with difficult emotions?
• How helpful is this way of dealing with difficult emotions?
• What’s your biggest challenge when it comes to dealing with difficult emotions?
• What else could you try to help support you with this?