Deep-seated Consumer Metaphors and the Changing Face of Grief

It's nothing new that grief is an intense emotional experience. But we're gaining a better understanding of what consumers, specifically Baby Boomers, are looking for in that experience. They want it balanced.

Not earth shattering -- possibly even predictable. But now we have the facts, based on data from the correct methodology: the Zaltman Metaphore Elicitation Technique [ZMET]. Pioneered by Dr. Gerald Zaltman, professor emeritus at Harvard, to reach down deeply into symbols and emotions of how people really think and act. It's been used for a while in sophisticated industries and companies, now has found its way to the funeral business. And its beauty: not forced, not coerced, no trying to put words around feelings that are unexplainable. Just a strong set of "the real deal" when it comes to dying, grieving and healing.

And its not for the faint of heart. ZMET involves some interpretation and experience in marketing science. Most funeral professionals are pretty single threaded, having been in the business all their lives, some having grown up in it. And throwing their models and the status quo out the window is, well, unprofitable if not unthinkable.

But, based on my read of the research ["Breaking the Consumer Code" on www.funeralservicefoundation.org], and my own experience, here is my interpretation of the "new" consumer paradigm:

A. It starts with the Existential Condition -- Life should mean something, and remembering somebody requires telling the story of what they stood for. The time to do that is while you're living -- and eulogies are fine, but only through some brief examples, maybe a testimony. But not a long, drawn out recital -- there's not enough time, and frankly, [truth time]... it's not that interesting.

B. Establishing connections -- to the decedent and to each other; Somewhere along the line, we've "lost it." We're isolated, with our cell phones at dinner [often texting the person across the table] and friendships through social media, comfortably kept at a distance [more on this in a minute].

C. Theater and entertainment -- who made the rule that loss had to be painful? Theater has been around for a long time, including, for example: The Greeks, The Bible [parables], and Morality Plays [medeival times]; It captures attention, makes points and is, well, fun. The world wants to be entertained -- not depressed or put to sleep.

D. Heal, and move on -- in grieving, you'll feel better eventually, but never the same. In today's society, we prize the do-it-yourself [DIY] method. Why not provide a "bag o' tools" to allow individuals to do just that -- there is a ton of great things out there, just waiting to be bundled into the bag. Combine that with online support groups [available 24/7, anonymously if you want] -- which is a good application of our technological and societal isolation. Finally, medicine. The search for feeling better doesn't have to be protracted nor a "white knuckle" experience. My recovery from depression after the loss of my father started through a blurting confession to a nurturing Internist I had seen for a Upper Respiratory Infection.

E. Lower cost -- consumers aren't willing to pay for traditional funerals. They don't see the value, don't like them and want their money saved for their families. The good news: many options ARE low cost. A complete cremation in South Florida is $495. Body donation for scientific research, followed by return of the ashes to the family, is free -- philanthropy combined with low/no cost. And green burials/home funerals are increasing in DIY popularity, as families seek a more "hands on" approach that our forefathers practiced.

F. The "Right Person" to pull this off is a prioritized combination of Producer, Clergy, Therapist and maybe Funeral Director. "Disposition" [the legal and clinical term for handling a deceased body] has become more of a utility, with refrigeration and high volume cremations in industrial park settings, not embalming and "laying out" the body with visitation by the community, as in days of yore. In the New Model, creativity is the #1 attribute, and sadly, isn't typically found in the funeral profession. Things promoted as creative tend to be gimmicky, sugar coated "Celebrations of Life" that help get through the service as painlessly and simply as possible.

G. Location is also important -- and by that "ABFH": "Anywhere But Funeral Home." Funeral Homes are dark, depressing, old fashioned, loaded with bad energy and memories -- viewed, according to the research, as "cold tombs." With the right operational design, and generators [if necessary for remote or outside locations] a venue can be literally anywhere. But if you want to build a "brick and mortar" network, consider glass instead -- buildings where the outside is brought in, with green life-affirming nature and soothing water, in a multi-purpose environment [maybe a community center] -- not a building exclusively for housing and caring for the dead. It's no wonder the funeral industry failed at attracting weddings and Rotary Clubs into their buildings as a traffic [and revenue] source during off-peak times. As they say in New York, "get outta here with that!"

If you implement this outline, you come up with the ultimate deliverable: transformation. That's what consumers want. A tall order. But doable. But not with existing systems, methods and personnel.