An Empty Chair For The Holidays: Surviving The Season After Loss (Part II)

If you're struggling to cope with a loss, you well know just how devastating the days are when the holidays roll around. For Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years... Once grief is added to the mix, days of incredible childlike promise and excitement become mired in sorrow and heartache. Inspiration and gratitude become misery and pain.

"What's wrong with everyone", you find yourself questioning. Perplexed, you wonder how can everyone around you be so happy and seemingly unfazed? How is it others can carry on as if nothing at all has changed?

First season without or merely the latest in an annual string of debilitating weeks to close out the year... The pain and heartache at times feels unbearable - with no let up in sight.

What do you do?

For the holidays, it's paramount that the focus is shifted to more uplifting and empowering thoughts and pursuits. Following are some examples to get the ideas flowing. Try a combination - or perhaps utilize them to generate personalized ideas of your own. Either way, doing something uplifting will equate to less sorrow and a greater sense of empowerment. And with greater empowerment comes hope and a greater capacity to feel better about life. Certainly a considerably better place to be for the holidays - and all the days to follow...

The question is... In what manner do you optimally want to spend the day? The good news is you have options!

To get the thoughts flowing, might I suggest a few possibilities? Feel free to incorporate one, a mix - or, for that matter, any other ideas that might be inspired as a result. The objective is pretty simple... Embrace the activities that hold the most healing, love, gratitude and promise for you. And reject those that involve you spending the day miserable, awash in a sea of negative thoughts, disconnected and emotionally all alone.

Here Are Some Ways You Could Dedicate Part Of Your Day

• Do Things Your Loved One Loved Most - You could brainstorm a list of activities your loved one enjoyed doing the most. Selecting a few of these items, you could endeavor to spend part of the holiday experiencing some of those activities. Ask yourself revealing questions like... What is it that your loved one liked so much about each activity? What does the activity teach you about your loved one that you didn't already know or appreciate? What lessons relative to yourself are there to be gained? And what would your loved one, looking down on you from heaven, likely say? Be sure to spend time recounting your very best memories around these activities and being grateful for the time you had.

• Spend Time With A Fellow Survivor - Befriend someone who is also struggling to make it through the holiday as a result of loss. Plan to spend some portion of the day together (whether via phone or in-person). Perhaps serve as each other's designated go to person should there be a need. This gives you somebody to freely share your emotions and memories with - without feeling awkward or worrying about what the other person thinks of you. Promise each other that at least 50% of the conversation that day will be dedicated to good memories and all the love that was shared.

• Contribute Time To A Charity - As a rule; nothing helps us quite as much as helping someone else. Doing so magically shifts our attention from things like what we don't have and the wrongs done to us - to perspectives like how much we are fortunate enough to have and just how blessed we were to have had those lost in the first place. Thus, a great way to spend part of the holiday is dedicating it to a good cause. Especially if that's to help a cause for those less fortunate... Even more purpose and meaning can be derived if the cause happens to be something near and dear to your loved one. The love and appreciation all around you will work wonders, at least for a few hours, for your mood and perspective.

• Help A Specific Person Or Family In Need - If a more direct and personal approach is preferable, you could help a family or individual in need. Possibilities include adopting a family in need for the holidays and volunteering your time to provide grief support and encouragement to the family/loved one of someone who recently passed. This not only serves to partially divert your attention from your loss - but also to effectively shift your mindset from sorrow and despair to one more grounded in hope and love. And there is no more effective way to get closer to better days than being a catalyst for someone else's.

In addition, there's the option of planning activities that more directly and individually celebrate the life and memory of your loved one. Engagement in these will serve not only to further honor your loved one - but also to foster greater contentment and meaning within your day as well. Ideas include;

• Dedicating a portion of the day to swapping heartwarming and funny memories and stories with family and friends

• Framing some of your favorite pictures of your loved one, preferably during some of the happiest times - which you display and encourage the family to reminisce about each time the holiday rolls around

• Ensuring the holiday menu includes some of your loved ones most favorite dishes

• Commencing the main meal with each person sharing a quality or trait that they loved and admired most about your loved one

• And finally, pausing to talk to your loved one's spirit anytime you wish (you will likely be most comfortable doing this one alone)

Doing any combination of these should help to make your holiday season considerably more tolerable. And if you can use these to generate more personalized alternatives to honor and gratefully reflect and remember, who knows? You just might find yourself with the motivation for a smile or two - holiday notwithstanding.

The real key is your resolution that, while the holidays can't possibly be the same without your loved one's physical presence - that doesn't mean that absence has to be ignored or downplayed. And it doesn't mean this holiday season must be forfeited to solitary pain and sorrow. No... We can acknowledge it - then choose to celebrate that life. And we can then take empowering steps to honor everything that life stood for.

Just imagine being able to feel much more comfortable about your feelings, genuine to what matters most, more purposeful in your actions and more connected to family and friends around you. Just imagine feeling just a bit happier and more purposeful - holiday season and all...

As a Grief Resolution and Empowerment Coach, I empower survivors with the tools, insight and support to resolve deep grief and heartache - in turn, equipping them with greater confidence, empowerment and communication skills for improved handling of day-to-day responsibilities and stressors... Are you ready to finally find your footing on the road back from grief - and perhaps even begin to discover your smile again?

Request a life-altering consultation call for guided grief support: http://www.LifeWithoutGrief.com

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