if only

if only I could see her

the universe would smile

the  slow demise of courage would cease

and purpose could  begin

in my heart and my mind

if only I could hear her

the fog in my heart would lift

and the light could shine into the wound

causing the unfeeling to feel

and I could love again

if only I could touch her

a fire would fill my chest

and my eyes would shine again

pushing the lifelessness aside

like the sun does in the morning

if only I could hold her

the power of life would surge

arcing through my spirit like a lightning bolt

pushing out the deadness

to welcome this new life

but I know instead

that I will bask in her memory

until the inertia of us is spent

and life trails off as my voice does

carefully saving the last breath

 to speak her name