I KNOW WHO YOU ARE TODAY...

I have had a few good days, i know who I am and I even know your name,

i could not figure out out why you were ignoring me and then I read my first poem,

"Who Am I" and I realized just how mean that I could be.  

i want to say since  I am myself that I am sorry ,

i really hate the idea of losing me and  everything I am and was.

Before this moment goes away there is something I really need to say.

It was Jessi -Girl that took care of me all those months .

When I broke my ankle and could not walk for  6 months,

when  i had a feeding tube put in in June, that I really did not want, she stayed with 

me  she cried with me, she even crawled up in the bed with me and told me 

everything will be ok.

She knew how much my heart was breaking, because my daughters turned their 

backs on me, and took my grandchildren away from me.

but one thing i have learned for sure,, you will pay for the pain that you cause to 

others.  so  Jessi girl, i am sorry for being mean and hateful,

 i will try to do better..  we have been through so very much,

I hope you can see, that you have become that daughter I turn too, 

when I get mad, when I get sad, when i am happy,

the daughter i know i can count on to be there for me,

in good times and in bad times.  I hope that there are more

good times than bad times now,.

I love you Jessi Girl.

I still love and miss my daughters, grandchildren and yes my son in laws too

every minute of every day.

but I have learned to give it all to my Lord in Prayer.  

I have been blessed by wonderful, supportive family and friends who hold

on to me everyday,

and they Pray.....

you talk to me on the phone when I am scared,, you take care of me when I need 

help, and i know my girls would too if they wasn't so mad at me.. 

God will take care of everything.

I love you.my daughters,

And sometime if you have a minute ,please  come and read to  me.

Mom

 

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About the Author
Hello everyone! My name is Kathy Reed-Spade. I am 57 years old from the wonderful state of WV. I have been seriously sick for several years. Now i am diagnosed with Parkinson's and early onset dementia. Since then, my life has been in shambles. along with this, my stomach is 96% paralyzed and now I have a EXPERIMENTAL GASTRIC PACEMAKER. My bowels are also paralyzed. I was diagnosed terminal, and then it seemed life change at home. I was being abused mentally and physically by my husband and his daughter. He never was never mean to me until his daughter moved in , in 2012. I begged him to move her out, or for us to move out with me, but he chose his daughter and I was forced to leave because I was afraid of both of them and what they were doing to me. The Doctors are just using band-aids. There is no cure, so I am just using words to say how lonely I feel and to try to get rid of some of this anger. May God help us all in seeking the Peace and comfort we all need with His Help.
I'm Grieving, Now What?