The Journey Part 4

October 6,2011… My husband is in his hospice bed in OUR room.    I knew time was short,  he spends much of his time in a altered state.  He is seeing things I cant see.   I wonder if he is seeing old friends  and  relatives that have already passed.   I ask God  to  let me know when his moment to enter the Kingdom of Heaven is near as I do not want him to be alone when he dies.  I bathe and massage my husband’s   body every day,  touching  him to let him know I am there.  I talk about all the beautiful things we have experienced in our  lives  together and tell him how much I love him as often as I could.   Silent tears are a constant as I look at the face I have loved  for  so many  years .  Death is in the room, taunting me with the knowledge that very soon I will no longer see the face I love,  Cancer has already taken Bobs ability to speak (oh how I miss hearing his voice) now the final blow is up on me.   His condition has changed  so I call my Aunt to have her pray with me.  As I am talking to her on my deck  a WIND begins to blow , it appears to only be moving the branches in the tree outside the bedroom window.  I cry “BOB YOU ARE LEAVING ME”  and run into the bedroom.  Bobs breathing is labored so I call the Hospice nurse.   Bob is fighting to breathe,  I lean down and whisper  in his ear “IT IS OK , YOU CAN  LET GO.  WE WILL BE OK GOD HAS WRAPPED THE BOYS AND I WITH SUCH LOVE FROM SO MANY.   I LOVE YOU.” I could feel his pulse race under my fingers, and then it was gone.  I kissed him one last time and whispered in his ear “NOW YOU DON’T HAVE TO IMAGINE, I AM GOING TO MISS YOU BUT I WILL BE STRONG”  I remember  feeling  how private a moment  it was to be there as he left his body to be with  Jesus.  I would of felt  it intrusive had anyone but  family been there.  We stayed by his body for some time.   Richard Blowers ,  Carie and John came and stayed with us for some time that night, as well as many others. Bobs siblings came and said good by and the hospice nurse stayed and listened as we sat and talked and grieved  over the loss.   It was not too long until the crematory  folks arrived to take Bobs body away.  I could not watch this but my Son Alex helped them take his dads body to the transport car.  No matter how much you think you are prepared for something the reality of it all is  overwhelming.   We are alone now,  our rock is gone.  Death took our Bob and we could not stop it.    It was too soon,  but now we have to function in a world we were not prepared for.  Bob did such a wonderful  job protecting us that now we are thrown into a world we do not know.    One without a Father and Husband.