The keeper of "the stuff"

All my life, i have been a "watcher" I am fascinated by people and situations. Most especially, family situations.I don't know why.I would see a family out in public,and think "I wonder what they are like at home?" Are they happy? What do they talk about?? An old person by themself?? Oh gosh,I simply can't take it. I see sadness when it may not even exist. I pan their whole life out...imagining how many lonely nights they have had and it may not have even happened. Then, I would see the family with a special needs child-especially after I was working and my kids were older. More so,these older "children" would be with their elderly Mom or Dad, or both. And,i would just .....fixate. WHO would watch them when their parents were gone. These parents I saw,for the most part had a LOT of patience and i just wondered who would take these "children" 

Of course,it isn't the same thing by any means,but I am so protective and so fierce about our son Keith's things as he is no longer here,they now fall into the same type category to me. They are special.And, I need to protect them. His shoes,cd's, glasses, jeans, wallet,and most especially his Urn. It occurred to me one day as I was finally putting some things away in storage "Lisa,what ARE you doing?" no-one is EVER going to want these things. Sure,my husband and I do. My daughter wants some of them. But,when we are gone,and the Rubbermaid totes move to Randi...and Randi has no room for them ....and Randi's life ends ...once Randi tells Keith's story, is one of Randi's children going to open them and say "let me show you all of my Uncle Keith's things??" and so on and so on.

It actually is giving me panic attacks thinking after all of the great care I have taken,they will just ......go. I am the keeper of my son's stuff,and I have done it carefully and with pride and dignity. I gently pound into my daughter's brain this will be all hers and she can"t ever get rid of it. "I know,Mom,i know" she says....but does she know? Does she know my heart is in these boxes? Does she know the idea that these clear containers being tossed out without a care is causing me to lose sleep now and it hasn't even happened? I can't control what happens when I am not here,but i know right now like the Moms and dads that gently and patiently guide their adult children everywhere they go and try NOT to think of who will watch them when they are gone...Keith's stuff remains under my watchful eye in his bedroom for me to look at whenever i please. I hope my daughter has been watching her Mom and follows suit.