Light Up The World... - Dec. 9th, 2012

“There is not enough darkness in all the world to put out the light of even one small candle.” - Robert Alden

Tonight, for the seventh consecutive year, I participated in the Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting Ceremony and lit candles. Six candles to be exact, one for Mack, one for my brother Ronnie and one each for Kelly McGinnis, Dylan Ford, Matthew Besner and Alex Porter, the sons of friends, who all lost their lives too early. This ceremony, created to honour and remember children who have died, takes place the second Sunday in December at exactly 7 pm local time. The timing is significant as the purpose is to create a virtual wave of light that stays lit for twenty four hours as it travels from time zone to time zone. Started in 1997, it is now believed to be the largest mass candle lighting ceremony in the world.

I first found out about it in 2006, a few months after Mack died, while I was on GriefNet. For those of you that don’t know and I’m sure that’s many of you, GriefNet (www.griefnet.org) is a wonderful online resource for people dealing with the death of a loved one. There are specific groups to join depending on what type of loss you’re dealing with (loss of a child, loss of a spouse, loss of a parent, etc.) and each deals with it’s own set of issues. I came on it as a newly bereaved mother and found tremendous comfort in being a part of a community of parents, all of whom were at different stages in their grieving and yet who were all connected by a common traumatic experience.

I told my story, the story of how Mack died, in detail as newcomers often do and proceeded to tell it over and over and over during the time that I spent on GriefNet. I learned early on that this retelling was healing for two reasons. The first being that in the very early stages of grief, it forced your brain to process what had happened, it made it real. The second being that as time passed, the retelling of your story allowed newcomers to have hope that they too would survive their tragedies, that somehow, they would make it through.

I had been on GriefNet for about a year and a half when I decided that it was time to leave. I had come full circle by first joining as a newcomer and having the community help me, to becoming one of the veterans who did the consoling when newcomers came on. I don’t think that you’re supposed to be on GriefNet forever although how much time you decide to stay is different for everyone. I believe that at some point, you realize that this amazing support network did exactly what it was supposed to do, it supported you.

Aside from the individual candle lighting ceremonies such as mine, those of the worldwide chapters of The Compassionate Friends and allied organizations, many local bereavement groups, churches, funeral homes, hospitals, hospices, children’s gardens and community centers also take part. These ceremonies have ranged in size from one to a thousand.  The practice of lighting a candle in memory of someone has been around for centuries with traces of its origins found in many of the world’s religions. While I myself am not religious at all and minimally observant , I do appreciate that while so many of today’s headlines focus on how divisive the religions are, when it comes down to honouring the memories of loved ones, as parents, we’re more alike that we are different. Tonight’s worldwide candle lighting ceremony is proof of this.

(cenepefewgttdsmwgl)