In our own suffering we can give comfort

I have been through so many conflicts and pain in the past 5 months and 2 weeks: physical and emotional as a result of my loss. Just wanting to be with the love I have lost - unable to endure the pain that losing him has caused. The daily agony of every second, every minute, every day that he is not with me.

Feeling I have had enough of this life now, that I have nothing more to give to this world at this point in my life. I am rock-bottom.  All I want is to join  my loved one and to be released from this pain. Begging God to take me from this unbearable pain, but for some reason I am still here.

But I am a woman of faith and love for people. Deep down I have been convinced that even in this, in my deep pain there has to be something good that can come of it - while I wait.

In the past 18 hours I have had such affirmation through 1 source after the other. I have the assurance that I will join my beloved in heaven, but the timing of my departure is not in my hands. The first lightbulb came from a most unexpected source last night.  I was watching an animated movie called "Epic".

After spending the past 4 days days ill and in tears most of the time some words in this animated movie just popped out at me... A quick background on the story, this human girl is miniaturized into a world of forest people to helpo save the forest from the evil "goblins" who spread rot and death in the forest. A flower pod is selected by the forest queen to bloom at full moon to rescue the forest, but the queen is shot with a poison arrow, so this human girl is given the pod to complete the mission.  All the girl wants is to be made normal size again so she can 'go home' - arguing that the pod has nothing to do with her, but the dying queen tells her; " You are here for a reason. Maybe you don't see the connections yet, but just because you don't see them doesn't mean they're not there. I know you are scared, just stay with the pod, be with it when it blooms, then you'll get back what you've given". I saw the message in that.  The words screamed out at my own situation.

Then this morning in church the pastor spoke about our sufferings (no coincidence I believe). He quoted from 2 Corinthians. The apostle Paul was quoted as saying that our afflictions are but for a moment, and is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.

He went on to explain that there are some burdens we have to carry, but in the light of eternity our afflictions are for a short time. He added God extends our lives on earth, not to give us longer lives or to keep us in our suffering, but so that we in our own afflictions and suffering can touch the hearts and lives of others who are suffering.

Only in this experience, this ultimate human affliction and heartache of the loss of a loved one do we truly come to understand and empathize with the suffering of others. When we go through this loss, we get a special measure of patience and love in our lives that can touch someone else. As I stopped the car at the shops, someone else was preaching on the same chapter on a Christian radio station, reaffirming everything. Saying that our suffering prepares us to comfort others.

So I have resolved: if this pain can be of any good to someone else, if I can impart some love and understanding that will bring someone else comfort, then I will "be with the pod until it blooms", hanging onto the promise that when it blooms, I will get back what I have given - I will be reunited with my love in heaven.