September/October 2014

Fall is around the corner...his favorite time of year. My saddest time of year. The vivid memories of these next two months are on instant replay in my mind. Every detail of every day plays over and over. 

How is it that I can't remember a simple task yet those two months of 2014 are etched in my mind. Every detail of every day every night I feel the anxiety I felt as day turned to night and night to day. With every time his nurses said "he won't make it though the night" I dreaded waking in the morning not knowing what the day would bring, "is this the day my dad takes his last earthly breath and his first in heaven?" I feel the pain I felt when I had to do the hardest thing as a mother, when I had to tell my boys that their grandpa Emilio would soon be their new angel in heaven. My heart broke for my boys, and I felt comfort in their tiny shaky voices as they each hugged me and asked my if I was okay. As I told them "Mommy is scared because I'm losing my daddy" 

I dread the day I forget my dad's voice, the warmth in his hands, the brightness of his smile, the humor in his laugh. With every day that passes I feel like I'm losing just a little bit of him. I don't want that to happen I feel he is slowly slipping from my memory.  Yet those last 2 months are embedded in my mind. All those years of memories and all I truly remember is the last two weeks. September/October 2014.