The Silent Truth

I haven't written about this, mainly because of the feedback I might get. But, I'm at a point where, the truth is the truth and this is my truth.

One week after my son passed away,  my daughter in law and I went to a medium. It was the best, most important, decision I ever made. 

I needed to have answers to my questions. I got most of them, but like anything....you walk away with what makes sense to you and leave the rest.

That was a pivotal point in the journey I was about to take. My son had died and what is life without your child??? I still haven't figured that out and its been two years and three months.

That day we saw the medium I bought a  four by six board and a pendulum. (Not a Ouija board)We learned quickly how to use it and it became my lifeline to my son and others in the afterlife. The information that I have discovered resonates with so many higher spiritualists, psychics and mediums. Its been a blessing to be able to communicate with him.

Its definitely not for everyone and you need to know some safety guidelines if you want to explore this avenue.

Believe me, the death of my son has hit me hard as with any parent. The depression, complicated grief, the fatigue, no energy, constant state of sadness, lost, fogginess, lost interests, turbulence with loved ones, anger, having the energy just to meet your basic needs is a challenge. Anxiety, panic, And add onto that bipolar disorder and you have one monster of a mixture.

I'm on Ssi and waiting for ssd case to go through. I can't work, at least not yet. The career I had was working with babies. I've spent the last 20 years in this career and now I can't do it. I've lost so much more than my son. My career, my home, my self-esteem. My entire life is upside down. I don't know that I can get back to where I was or even somewhere close. 

Getting up in the morning is my biggest challenge, without going back to bed. I've made ,three days in a row now. Basic hygiene.... I'm really trying hard to take at least one shower a week. I'm trying to get out with friends, even though, its difficult to have a good time. I end up crashing after a short outing, it feels like what i have for my energy has been sucked completely out and I can't spare a single more moment.

But I keep getting up, moving, weather or not its baby steps or no steps...I just keep getting up.