Some Times Pulling Weeds is All You Can Do

I was listening to a podcast on equanimity through spirit rock  the other evening.  A recommendation by a friend who is also grieving, but wanting to be helpful. He recommended it to me hoping I would find some value in it.   The section I listened too that he felt was of value said this:

Don't pull weeds - plant flowers when dealing with grief. Because flowers and seeds grow and are beautiful and if all you do is pull weeds they will grow back. (This is paraphrased) 

No disrespect to Spirit Rock, pulling weeds is necessary in order to see the earth in order to plant the seeds and the flowers.   The ground needs to be prepared.  (I can see a relation to how we grieve in this statement) 

Well I have a pretty big back yard the grass over growing weeds getting bigger and my flowers I do have  are wilting in the heat.

I mowed the grass today.Front and back ..This will grow back. It took a lot of energy. And I'm tired.  

I did pull some weeds that were overtaking some of my flowers in the front yeard. I did this  for neighbors to see I'm making an effort. ... and I watered a few potted plants. So what is there won't completely die off.

I do not have any energy to plant or further pull weeds ...  I am exhausted from what I did do. In grief it's hard to find energy. I'm making an effort but struggling.

I guess my front and back yards are a good analogy in grief.   What you see in my front yard is what I am capable of showing you right now. My front yard shows I am making an effort. There is still work to be done. Lots of weeds still to be pulled. More plants to be planted. But there is an effort made.   That smile for example or those few minutes where I engaged in a conversation about something other than my son and his death. I did that for you. To make you comfortable. . To show you I'm trying.

I may still cry in your presence. My garden may make you a little uncomfortable because it's not completely manicured, just like being in my presence with my tears may make you uncomfortable.

 I may not be able to plant anything for a long time..

I may just spend time letting weeds grow and pulling them out. And going round and round with this for a while. And some weeds are pretty when they flower. .

And sometimes all you can do is sit in the garden and look at the weeds.

And be OK with that ..

We can only do the best that we can. Grief is a journey.