Support for a Friend in Their Loss

Grief is hard enough on our own account, but then there is the aspect of another's grief and the support we would like to provide. It's difficult to know how to support someone who may have no idea what support they need. Add to the complexity of this dynamic the facts of our own material; like what is it, really, we want to help for?

It is natural, in non-familial situations, to feel more than an arm's length from being able to support, but wanting to support all the same. It can be confusing and frustrating.

We may even want to support when there is abundant support already. Or, we may see a lack of support and be motivated to help in some small way.

"WHAT'S IN HELPING THEM FOR ME?"

When we take the courage to ask ourselves, honestly, "What's in it for me in helping this person?" we can at least become aware of the lack within us that their grief has revealed for our notice.

Grief is peculiar in these ways; it ripples out into others' lives, including ours. What impact has their grief on us, personally? What does it reveal about our experience? 
These questions are only of value if we answer them honestly.

Having made an attempt to understand why it is we wish to help, including what our experience-for-loss brings to the table, we are better positioned to be aware of any factors of self-motivation. Then we are able to be more genuinely caring.

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