Taking Control Of Grief

I am just over two months into my Grief journey so I thought I would share some thoughts on it with you.

Yes I still cry there are many tears-but what is a tear. A tear is a mini universe of the feelings and moments you shared with your loved one. Your tears are your way of expressing that love you felt for them. Every tear you shed is a blessing for them like putting the sign of the cross on your head with holy water. 

Yes it still hurts like hell I feel my heart breaks as each day begins and ends but in order to take control of my pain I recognize how I am feeling then express it in words. I share my thoughts in this tool box as I know I am not alone and it may help someone else to know they are not alone too. 

I do things that will make me happy to try to take my mind off my grief-even a small thing like buying myself a cake as my loved one is not here now to give me the little surprises he used too. I concentrate on the things I love like my daughter and focus on her needs and care. I find that if you do things that bring you a little happiness it gives you the strength to take control of the grief or things that are upsetting or troubling you.

I still share things with him I go to his grave and talk to him and post things to his Facebook page in his memory. I think he still shares with me has he sends me lots of signs like white butterflies/feathers and tunes.

The journey of grief is like a roller coaster sometimes I feel normal again its as if my brain has tricked me and made me forget but then I will see a photo or hear a tune and my whole soul feels like it has suddenly been wrenched from my being and I think -now I know why I am so sad and feeling the way I do. I just miss him so much. I try to concentrate on something else really thinking in depth about its detail until my mind / heart feel more at ease-even if it's counting 1000 2000 3000 etc.

I know most of the time I am being selfish as he is at peace. My logical brain says he is fine now -he is still watching and protecting you -just get a grip and move on -try to forget. But the emotional me which is so much stronger says but I can still feel his connection -I still feel the intense love and bond we have -how can I move on without him. Days come and go everything changes and I wonder how can it when time seems to have stopped for me . But then I concentrate on the beauty of those changes -new life being born plus in time I will be reunited with him. I have convinced myself because I still feel him so deeply I will continue on as he is within me still. I will do it for him as well as my daughter.

For Ste GBNF <3