A Widows Heart

When time has passed, and the heart is ready, just remember that a widows heart has loved to the end.   Some have seen relationships end in divorce, or a breakup.(i do not diminish the loss)  A widow has made the journey to hell and back.  For me it has been a journey of re-discovery.  Much of this has been wraped in fear, because all is new, like being in a country where you do not speak the launguage.  I was with my husband till the end as he drew his last breath.  A sureal moment in time that will never be erased from my memory.  I was faithful to my husband, and his dreams were my dreams, his hopes my hopes. 

Now I find myself changed by the fire of grief, as I move from my past to my future.  A book that has not been writen, every page blank waiting for me to fill it.    This is quite hard for me as I have allways had a plan for my plan for my plan just in case all the other plans failed.  Now I cant see what is around the bend and quit frankly that scares me.  But I have no choice but to put one foot in front of the other.   I am now a single mom trying to raise teenage boys.  Yes, that is a frightening thing in itself, but plenty of single moms and dad's have done this.  

Some would say a widows heart is fragil but I would disagree.  I have found a strength in the midst of the pain of loss.  That does not mean that all my days are good, but I thank God for all my days both bad and good.  I see life diferenty than I did before.   I value all my friendships and now have a zest for life that causes me to stand in awe at everything our creator has made. 

I have had a world I never new existed opened up to me by a special friend.  I see things sometimes, with what some would call a childs eyes.  All is new, and now I have the courage to grab ahold of all my unrealized hopes and dreams and now am able to move foreward.  I thank God every day for this.