How to help a friend who is grieving.

I am not one to reach out to people for help, ever.  I am the person people come to when they need help.  I’ve always been the go – to person.  Suddenly, I found myself at the other end and I could not ask for help.

There is so much you can do to help someone who has experienced a loss.  For me, delivering our daughter stillborn has been the most horrific thing I’ve ever faced

There were lots of people who did come forward, and surprised us.  We did get cards in the mail, flowers and gift cards.  A friend sent an angel with Leia’s birth month on it; another had a porcelain angel made in the likeness of her. These things mattered to us. 

I will never forget those people. To be honest, I remember thinking that more people should be with me.  There were no invites to suppers, no random stop in’s to check on us, no phone calls, and nobody brought food.  For some reason it had always been instilled in me to bring food when there was a death. 

Living in the age of social media, I guess is to blame.  It is easier to shoot off a text, tweet or Facebook message then to actually reach out in person.  Most of our friends and family doesn’t live here to be fair, but still.

I’ve never been one to mince words so I’m not going to start now.  If you want to help me (yes I still need help six months later), here are a few things you can do.  If you are reading this, and you have a friend/family member who is going through a tragedy of their own take notes.  People might not want to admit they need help. 

• Ask questions about the child or baby
• Send a card – flowers are nice but sometimes painful to watch them die
• Drop off food, groceries or a care package
• Buy them a gift – something that will remind them of the child/baby
• Never stop asking how they are.  Keep the emails, tweets, calls coming
• Ask them over for supper or lunch
• Give money – funerals are expensive (even baby one’s) - time off work means no pay either
• Remember the anniversary’s and holidays (especially Christmas – fathers/mother’s day)
• Don’t try to offer words of advice or compare your pet dying to their loss
• Invite them to the movies  or over for a movie night (maybe not right away but in the coming Months)
• Ask how the father is and mean it
• Never assume anything
• If there are other living children offer to take them out
• Listen!!