If This Is You, You're Normal

So often when we are grieving we can feel as if we're far from normal. We might be doing things and saying things which friends and family think are downright odd and worrying. This not only adds to our sense of aloneness, but it also plants a seed of doubt in our mind - maybe we are crazy after all.

It can be so very reassuring to know you are not the only one. It is so very painful to feel that no-one understands. It makes us feel very alone and very vulnerable, as if something is wrong with us. In actual fact what we are feeling is very normal. Very normal for that we someone whose heart has been ripped out of their body and is aching to hold their loved one again. See if this is you:

Out of the blue you smell them, it's so 'them' it's as if they were here

The pain is so bad you don't think you can go on

The only way you can fall asleep is in front of the TV

You are so angry at everyone even at them for leaving you

You think you've done something wrong because your friends don't come around or contact you any more

You feel so anxious you're having trouble leaving the house

You get excited about signs - butterflies, coins etc.

You feel stupid when you share it with someone who doesn't understand

You can't remember how to do things you've done hundreds of times before

You can't bear to wash that t- shift, that sheet, that special toy

You're dreading the holidays when everyone else is excited

You find it hard to be around people who have what you have lost, it hurts so much

You are fiercely possessive of their things

You think you will never stop crying

You have no interest in anything - you're on autopilot

If someone asks you what you're doing next week you can't even comprehend next week you are one minute, one hour at a time

You talk to them everyday

You are sure you hear them sometimes

You kiss and hug their photos

You follow someone down the street because you are convinced it is them

You're thinking about the anniversary months ahead

You never go to the cemetery

You panic when you can't remember their face

You're at the cemetery every day

Your death no longer worries you because you get to see them again

You call their phone and hope for just a moment they'll answer

If anyone else asks you how you are you think you'll scream

You hope it's a bad dream you'll wake up from soon

Everything is exactly as it was in their room

You think you're family are from another planet their grief is so different to yours

You don't feel safe when you drive the car anymore your brain is in a fog

You remember the time, the day, the week, the year totally and absolutely

You worry yourself sick about your family now

You so wish someone could understand.

Maureen Hunter is an inspirational writer and grief steps mentor giving comfort and hope to many. She is passionate about helping people to step through grief and build a new and different life after loss, one in which their loved one is always a part of.

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