I Miss You

I Miss You

By Cindy Adkins

After the loss of a loved one, it is not unusual to lose your bearings and wonder how you will put one foot in front of the other and carry on.  It’s as if you have emotionally become part of “the walking wounded” and there are days when no one can say words that seem to help you get out of the state you are in.  Those are moments when you tend to walk around the house or drive in the car and say to the person you lost, “I miss you” and hope that somehow, some way, that individual is hearing you.  At times, the silence can be deafening.  No one understands, least of all you.  So what can you do?  Commit it to paper.  Write it down.  Have a one-on-one conversation with your loved one.  This is a way to get it all out in the open—to express words that you might not have gotten a chance to say while that person was living.  But, you can do it now. 

Then, once you have done it, just know that the person heard you, even though you might not have proof of it.  Think about this for a minute:  We don’t see gravity, yet we know it exists.  So, at this moment, do not be a “Doubting Thomas.”  Rather, embrace the ability to get your words, thoughts, and sentiments onto paper.  This is part of the healing process and you want to be able to say everything you need to directly to the person who is gone.  If you want to, sing your loved one a favorite song.  Be real.  Express all that you are feeling.  I remember going through this after a loss and saying to the person, “Oh gosh, if you could just see me now.  I’m not the smiling girl you remember.  But, I’ll smile for you so that you can recognize me.”

I believe that when people first cross over to the Other Side, although their bodies are gone, they are not so far removed from us.  They are still aware of what we are going through, the pain we are feeling, and wish more than anything that we could be free from the burden that their death has caused.  Yet, they see us and know that we are devastated and for that reason, they often try to contact us through some means to reassure us that while we cannot see them physically, they are still around.  You do not need to be psychic to experience such occurrences—it’s enough to merely be human.

When someone experiences a loss, at first, there is the initial shock of the event, itself, plans to make—a funeral to attend.  I once knew a young woman who recalled vividly when her father died at the time she was in high school.  She said that for a week, people kept bringing food over to the house.  She remarked, “I wondered why people kept bringing meals when my mom and sister and I were so upset that we could not eat a bite.”  It is times like this that feel topsy-turvy—when it is difficult to tell your right foot from your left—when you walk around in a daze and wonder when the fog will clear.  But, in the midst of it, make time to talk to your loved one who has left.  Start that personal dialogue while your thoughts and feelings are fresh on your mind.  Having a “heart-to-heart” with that person can give voice to your emotions.  While you are going through this, remember one more thing—be gentle with yourself.  You’re doing the best you can.