Here one day gone the next, never to be seen again , last message from my Daughter Courtney age 14

In June 2011 my beautiful loving daughter Courtney Mae aged 14 2mths of 15 drowned when the boat she was in capsized in Lake Macquarie. As Courtney’s mother I am struggling to comprehend why my daughter died, when life jackets were available to them.

Our family was lead to believe that the driver of the boat was licensed and boat registered, he was unlicensed driver, an unregistered boat and no life jackets were being worn by the young teens in the boat when it capsized. Life Jackets are compulsory for children under 12. I want to see Courtney’s Rule applied to all small vessels such as run a bouts, tinnies ect and that every person no matter the age has to wear a life jacket if they are more than 100m from shore when in small boating vessels. This would have certainly saved Courtney’s life.

I never thought i would be here 12mths later, what a fight it has been every inch of the way, grief strips you of everything!! EXCEPT LOVE, What iv been through I thought i was going mad, suicidale thoughts and feelings, I read everything I could on grief and learnt from the people in front of me, who's shoes have walked on, we all were the same shoes but some have walked further than others. Iv learnt with losing a child you feed what you need so I scaned what makes sence to me, because everyone grieves but we all do it so differently, I found this with my family we are all so close yet our grief is so so different, thats ok as long as you understand that they don't understand your grief as you don't theirs, you just need to be there with love for each other, I as the mother felt left behind in my grief, my husband and my 2 other daughters were getting back into life, I felt I was stuck !! Stuck in this deep deep pain my mind well, it was making up stories and was out of control, til I asked for help went to my Drs and broke down, I was at rock bottom didnt think I could go on living in this pit of such horrible tortours pain. Here I am today still travelling and walking in these shoes, Grief does change as I was told on nourmerous accasions but you can't see it when your in raw grief. The one thing I hung onto is the love my daughter I share it goes nowhere Courtney wouldn't want mewith her that way, and how could I leave this pain for my other children. I think of Courtney as being in next room, she is still with us and has shown us, she is just in another form and with our love she is going nowhere. Never give up even when your heart is torn apart and broken Your love and your loved one is still truely with you God Bless with angel kisses love Cathy & Courtney <3