The Widowlution ~ Join us in the Army!

Mary Lee Robinson December 28, 2015 - 1:42pm

It is my considered opinion, based on conversations with hundreds of widows, that the world isn't very kind to us, when we need kindness more than any other time. I've talked about the "shunning" to unwidowed friends, and they look at me like I have two heads, but it's real. I saw more evidence of it in the days after Thanksgiving and Christmas in posts and comments. I know one widow friend who moved away from her home state to get away from that unpleasant treatment. I've heard of many more.

We're excluded, no doubt about it. Old friends fall off the face of the earth. Invitations cease to come, just when we need them most. And dinner and party invitations? Forget those. We've become radioactive, or maybe contagious. We've become "The Lunch Ladies". Ocassionally, someone will ask us to go to lunch. A dinner invitation to their home with husbands and family present, or a dinner with couples? Forget that!

I think it continues to happen because, like playground bully victims, we tend to get pounded and shunned when we are at our weakest. We're made to feel as though there is something wrong with us...when all we are doing is having a normal reaction to a cycle-of-life event. The saddest part is that our bulliers don't even realize what they are doing. But they will; when it's their turn.

I don't know about you....but while I take full responsibility for my own moods and happiness, and being good company....I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore. No more quietly tolerating the shunning and the unkind remarks. It's just wrong. I'm going to make 2016 a year of speaking up and speaking out about it.

Anybody with me? Join me in the Widowlution!

P.S. - I also think that the usual excuses..."they just don't understand until they've been through it"....are really, really lame. Time for a little re-education, minus the real-life experience. I don't think you should have to actually lose a limb, before you can know how to be sympathetic to an amputee.

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About the Author

Mary Lee Robinson was widowed suddenly in 2013 and found herself totally unprepared for what was to come. In a new state for a mere 11 months when her husband died, there were few supportive friends or family around. She set about creating some, and started a social club for widows and widowers in her community. Within a year, it had grown to 170 members. That told her quite a lot about an unmet need. She gathered 25 widows and widowers to write a book to share their stories, and the surprises, good and bad, that they all encountered as members of the club nobody wants to join. It is her hope, and that of the other storytellers, that the books help prepare and educate.  Mary Lee lives in the Low Country of South Carolina, caring for her Mom and is a native of Towson, MD, just outside of Baltimore. Her constant companions are her dachshund and rottweiler dogs. Mary Lee Robinson is the author of The Widow or Widower Next Door and 5 of the Grief Diaries series books, all of which are available right here in The Grief Toolbox in her marketplace https://shop.thegrieftoolbox.com/category/store/mary-lee-robinson. You can find more of her work on her Widowlution blog, practical tips for healing and living, at www.widowlution.com and on her Facebook page for widows at The Widow or Widower Next Door.

 
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