GRIEVING WELL: Finding Who and What We Need

When we talk into a room, we tend to look for people who are like us. It’s natural, automatic. We look for affinity, because we relate most naturally to those with whom we have something in common.

When we’re enduring loss, we need people who are like us. We need people who know grief. 

People who know grief can be lights in our darkness

“I wasn’t doing well on my own. I knew I needed to be with other people, but I felt so misunderstood. Then I went to a grief support group, and that made all the difference,” Helen said.

“I needed people who knew grief. I’ve now made friends through this loss, and they’re good ones. They’re lights in my darkness,” she shared with a smile.

Getting around the right people

The right people can make a grief process so much more positive and healing. Like Helen, you need people who know grief.

And not just people who have been through loss, but people who are safe.

• They don’t try to fix you.
• They don’t give advice you haven’t asked for.
• They accept you where you are, with all the mess.
• They don’t have a personal agenda or plans for your improvement.

Safe people simply walk alongside you in your valley.

Finding safe people

Where do you find these people? For some of us, our safe people are close friends or family. Perhaps a pastor, counselor, or medical professional.

Many people have mixed feelings about support groups, based on their personality or prior experience (or someone else’s experience). The benefit of well-run support groups is this: they are full of people who know grief.

Check online or your local newspaper for grief support groups in your area. These are most often led or sponsored by hospices, local churches, or community service organizations.

Support groups aren’t for everyone, but what does it hurt to check one out?

The difference might be huge.

Here’s an affirmation for today:

“I’ll find some people who know grief. We can navigate this together.”

People who know grief can help navigate these rough waters. Fellow grievers can become your lights in the current darkness.

Adapted from the bestselling Heartbroken: Healing from the Loss of a Spouse (USA Best Book Awards Finalist, National Indie Excellence Book Award Finalist). Watch the Heartbroken video here.