The Journey

The Journey

8 months ago, we were given the news that would forever change our lives.  It was so easy for us to go from the beginning to the end, missing all the steps in between.  The biggest one – living.

Together we re-grouped; we put our focus not on dying, but in living.  Living each day as honestly and completely as we could.  Thank you.

Thank you for allowing us to be a part of YOUR journey.  It wasn’t always easy, but together we conquered the obstacles.  Together we climbed those hills and shared in the triumphs. 

There was a moment in time not long after your diagnosis and treatment that we were told, “this is it”.  Did you ever prove them wrong!  We were given an opportunity to celebrate a beautiful woman.  I’m not sure the hospital was ever the same after our week long party to celebrate you. I’m so thankful that you were able to see how much you were loved.  How much people thought of you, treasured you and respected you.  How lucky were we to have been touched by you.  We were given by the grace of God a beautiful 4 months more to continue that celebration.  Thank you.

Thank you for allowing us to be a part of YOUR journey.  It wasn’t always easy, but together we conquered the obstacles.  Together we climbed those hills and shared in the triumphs.

There were more good days then there were bad days and we were thankful for every one of them.  Knowing that one day there would be more bad days than good.  It’s funny how one looks at life when living on borrowed time. So thankful for one more day.  Shouldn’t we all live our lives like that?  Thankful for one more day and really living that day to its fullest.

Each night before I would go to sleep I would thank God for you and I would thank God for today, because today was a good day. I had one more day with you.

When the bad days became a more permanent fixture in our lives, I was still thankful.  Thankful because we had one more day with you.  I would take a thousand bad days, for just one more day with you.  For there will never be enough time to say I love you.  To tell you how proud I am of you. How proud I am to be your kid.

YOU, are courage, strength and grace all rolled into one.  No one ever said that it would be easy, but you somehow managed to make it look easy.  You never admitted defeat.  Even on the days that you wanted to give up, you somehow managed to give it one more shot. Thank you.

Thank you for allowing us to be a part of YOUR journey.  It wasn’t always easy, but together we conquered the obstacles.  Together we climbed those hills and shared in the triumphs.

Soon the days came where we could no longer climb those hills together.  The challenges and obstacles to great.  It was then that HE carried us.  With hearts full of hope and prayers and a final surrender to HIM that we were able to continue on.  Thank you.

The hardest thing in life I think is to watch someone fade away.  Willing them to stay, but loving them enough to let them go.  How do you let go of someone who is your world?  How do you say “it’s okay” and honestly mean it?

We said those words to you over and over and over again – it’s okay.  And it is.  It’s okay.  It hurts like hell, but it’s okay.  We’re okay.  Our love for you is timeless.  It never fades, it never disappears, it never dies. Thank you.

We see your star every night.  The very brightest star in the sky looks down on us daily and each time we see it we smile and say hello to you.  

You leaving was not on the agenda that day. I say that like we ever had any control over when you would leave.

How lucky were we?  How lucky were we to have traveled this journey with you.  How lucky were we to be with you as you took your final breath.  How lucky are we for you.  The ending was peaceful and beautiful and I couldn’t have scripted it better if I had written it myself.  How lucky were we. Thank you.

It’s still so very surreal.  It’s like I’m living someone else’s life. It’s been seven weeks since our hearts were shattered into a million tiny pieces. The tears don’t fall as easy as they used to, but my heart still aches; a real physical pain that can’t be described.

People ask how we are doing and apologize for our loss and I always say – it’s okay.  We’re okay and we are.  When I start to think about you not being here, I try to focus on the spiritual you and not the physical you.  The physical you is gone.  I miss your hugs, your smile, your voice, a simple phone call that was placed numerous times throughout the day.  But the spiritual you, well you’re still here.  You are everywhere.  Your love for us is timeless.  It never fades, it never disappears, it never dies.  Thank you.

I am strong, because of you.  I am brave because of you.  I am courageous because of you.  Everything I am is because of you.  Thank you.  Thank you for letting me be a part of YOUR journey and for the lessons that you taught.  Beautiful you.  I love you mommy.  Xoxox

Written by K. Scott© with love for my mom who passed away November 27, 2011