Healing The Pain of Losing Someone

Each day that we awaken is a new day to take our lives forward. It is an opportunity to create something new, something fresh. No matter what you have gone thru, no matter how painful, how heart-wrenching, you don't have to be in that situation forever. You do not have to be in pain forever. As dark as things may seem today, your life does not have to be in the darkness forever. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and it is not an oncoming train. Right about now you may be saying that you can't see the light. You may be in such a dark place that you don't ever see things getting better. That is understandable. When you are in the midst of the pain it is difficult to the point of almost impossible to see or ever believe that things will get better. That is especially so when you are grieving over any kind of loss.

Experiencing the loss of a loved one, especially if that loved one was very close to you can cause you to feel as if your life was suctioned out of you. You will feel as if you have lost every ounce of oxygen out of your system. Now imagine experiencing that kind of loss TWICE!! It is enough to cause you to flat-line. The pain will be excruciating, mind numbing and debilitating. Your need for support may be misconstrued by others as, you are being clingy and desperate. Getting out of bed will seem like an Olympic event where you keep on coming in last place. Not even a bronze medal for all your troubles. Sadly, experiencing loss is a part of life. It is something that we will all go through or have gone through at some point in our lives.

If you are like me, you will want the pain and the painful situation to get out of your life NOW. Unfortunately, to my chagrin, I realized that that was not how life works. Sure, you can bury the pain by throwing yourself into your work, you can try to drink away or do other unhealthy things to numb your troubles. But no matter what you do to hide away from the pain it will only make it harder to deal with later on. And yes, you will need to deal with it at some point or another because if you do not deal with it in a healthy manner that pain will turn against your Mind and your Body. You may end up having a mental breakdown like I did or you may end up in a catatonic state of depression, which also happened to me. Or even cancer, which I have not experienced, thankfully. So it is very important to acknowledge, accept and heal the pain you are experiencing.

Just as how a new born baby does not know how to walk the first day they came out of the womb, no one was born knowing exactly how to make their way through life. It's a learning process. Don't worry, there is no grading system. What trips up a lot of you out there is thinking that as an Adult you need to have every single answer about life at your finger tips. No you don't so stop thinking that you need to know it all. Can you imagine how boring life would be if you knew it all? The excitement is in the learning something new, in the discovery of life.

So with all that said, how do you now release the pain? That can be very hard to do if you do not possess the internal Spiritual tools with which to heal your life. Don't feel ashamed or embarrassed if you are unable to process things from a higher spiritual level. Those are learned conscious skills and if you grew up in an environment that did not teach those higher levels of learning and Be-ing then you won't be able to fully help yourself. However, for you to heal your pain you first need to have a willingness to heal. No matter how others may want you to heal and "get over it", the need to heal has to come from within you and no one outside of you can force you to get to that place. That is when the way is made clear for the necessary tools to come into your life. For example, this newsletter is making its way to you probably at the exact right time for you.

One of the things that is helpful to remember when you are going through a difficult time is that life falls apart to give us the opportunity to pick the pieces up, toss the broken bits out, and put the rest back together in a different order. Personally, I like the way Martha Becks puts it in her book, "Finding Your North Star", "sometimes your foundation needs to be completely broken down in order for you to rebuild it stronger and with your own values". Maybe the pain that you are experiencing is there to let you know that your old life or the life that you are living is not the right one for you. It may be telling you that you have outgrown that life. If your life is causing you pain then that is telling you that you are trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. It won't fit and you are only going to experience more pain if you force your life to fit into a space that no longer works for you.

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