How do I heal knowing that the last words between myself and my loved one who passed to Heaven were harsh?

  How do I heal knowing that the last words between myself and my loved one who passed to Heaven were harsh?  It is a very common circumstance in life for so many people.  People often ask me this question and there is a reason for that common theme in life amongst the ones we love and that reason is GROWTH. 

  Let me take you through an example to help you to place my explanation.  Let’s say that your loved one who passed is a child who had a drug addiction in life.  It is a very difficult position to be in as a parent when you have a child who is an addict.  Your child begins to become a new version of themselves through their addiction that is almost unrecognizable.   They may begin to place the amazing morals and values instilled within them by you to the side because of the drug.  Perhaps they steal from you?  Maybe they tried to come home more times than you could accept because their addiction was disrupting every moment of happiness within the home.  Maybe you couldn’t have them at home because there are other children in the home that may have been influenced by their addiction and you were simply protecting the integrity of your home. There is fighting because you so desperately want them clean.  There are harsh words said on both sides because each side is defending what it is that matters to them most in that moment. Sometimes there are moments of clarity and you see within them the child that they once were.  You know their potential and their worth and they have simply forgotten it through their drug.  You remind them of your love.  You honor your space as you love them from afar because they simply can’t be helped if they refuse to help themselves while you lend your love and support….  And then it happens…. They pass from an accidental Overdose or perhaps a drug related tragedy……  From the moment that your child began their addiction, there was growth in their path for each and every one of you.  Your child was going through one of the biggest obstacles placed within their life’s journey.  As your child walked through deserts, climbed mountains, and swam oceans for that addiction, they grew in more ways than they ever knew possible in life.  As you stood on the side of the desert with your hands wide open filled with love for them, you grew in more ways than you ever knew possible as well.  You weren’t meant to travel the desert with them, but instead you stood there with open arms awaiting their decision to get the help and support needed to be clean.  Had you traveled the desert at their side, they wouldn’t have grown in the ways that they did, and for that reason, there was truly no more that you could have done for them on their path in life.  You screamed to the top of the mountain that they climbed, “I Love You!!!”  They heard those words as they continued their journey and please know that those words are and always will be forever etched within their soul.  You held out a towel at the other side of the ocean awaiting their swim to be complete and hoping that their journey with the drug had finally come to an end.   With every step you took, you became a better version of you and that new and stronger version of you is something that they blessed you with in life.  Their drug addiction never truly defeated them… You see, they had simply grown so much through that difficult journey, and evolved so much in spirit, and gained so much strength in struggle, that they simply reached the growth they had intended for their beautiful soul long before they came to live this life.  Yes, they graduated to Heaven that day, because they are so perfectly beautiful.  But, what about all of the fighting and the arguing and the struggle we went through?  I wouldn’t let them move back in when they begged to be in my home and I feel responsible for their passing?  How do I tell them that I love them just one more time because the last things we said to each other were so bad?  I want you to look back on those struggles and say, Thank You to your child for them.  I want you to take those harsh words said before they passed and use them as lessons of love.  If you can take every moment that you worked through with your child and their addiction, you will see blessings of love and strength through your struggles.  You wouldn’t be as strong as you are today had you not traveled this path with your child.  They know in Heaven that you never meant those harsh words as a means that you loved them any less.  They know that you actually love them so much more because you supported their journey to being the best version of themselves that they could have possibly been in life.  They review their life through your eyes and they see exactly how much their life impacted yours.  They see how they could have done things differently in life and though not taking on an addiction could have meant a longer life, lived with smaller lessons of growth stretched out over a course of many more years…… They also see how much growth and love their addiction touched so many with in this life time and some of those who take the most difficult paths in life have some of the most evolved and beautiful souls. 

  Perhaps this isn’t your scenario at all because there are so many.  Maybe you simply have family drama that has kept you apart from someone you love and are related to in life?  Maybe there is a separation between you and a spouse just before they passed to Heaven and there were harsh words said before they passed?  There are often tiff’s between good friends and sometimes those tiffs can be temporary and sometimes they can carry on for some time, and what if your friend passed during that recovery period of the tiff?

  Whatever the scenario, I want you to understand something with your whole Heart.  There is NO Negative Thoughts, Feelings, or Emotions that carry over with us to Heaven.  Your loved ones simply fill with pure sweet and unconditional love in the moment that their soul passes from their body into God’s beautiful light.  No matter the struggles they had here on Earth, those struggles simply don’t exist in Heaven.  What kind of Heaven would Heaven be if we stood around in Heaven just waiting for our loved ones to arrive so that we could finish an argument or sock them in the nose?  Those words spoken became lessons of love for them as they arrived in Heaven.  They see how the words affected your life and they see how they could have used their words differently in those moments.  Not only were the words or scenarios shared meant to be lessons of love for them, they are also lessons of love for you.  You see, today and every day since they passed to Heaven is a new opportunity for you in life to use the lessons from the relationship you shared with them, in your current relationships.  So, you don’t like the way you ended your last conversation with them?  Perhaps you can use that to be more mindful of future conversations.  Does this mean that you have to suck up to every person you meet? Nope ha ha… I like to use this question for myself in these scenarios and perhaps this will help you as well.  “Am I Okay with where I am Standing?”  If I choose to place a distance between myself and a loved one, family member, or friend, I ask myself, “Fara, are you okay with where you are standing if something were to happen to them tomorrow?”  Did I do all that I could within my means to make the situation better?  If my answer is yes, then I know that I am honoring my worth in where I am standing.  I know that I have done all that I can to allow for a positive outcome with what is going on.  If my answer is yes, then, I continue to walk my path just as I am and they are always welcome on my positive path in life.  But, I will no longer travel their negative path or a path that is dragging me down and that is okay because I am okay with where I am standing.  If I am not okay with where I am standing, then it is time to re-evaluate me.  It is time to ask myself what it was that I did wrong that I feel I need to make amends for?  I need to take steps in that moment to honor my morals and values instilled within my soul.  But, no matter the decision, please know that there is growth within every answer. 

  You were never meant to carry those harsh moments any longer than your loved ones in Heaven.  They never meant to leave you with anger, frustration, and sadness.  They hoped to bless you with Love in this world and that they did.  So, in the moments that you find yourself focusing on the ugly moments that you may have shared in life.  Remember for a moment the beauty that they surrounded you with as well.  Remember the reasons that you love them so much.  Those are the moments you are meant to carry.  Each time that you find yourself carrying a difficult moment, stop in your tracks, take that moment in your hand and place it on the ground at your feet.  Now, keep walking and reach into your heart to pull out a moment of love to carry in that hand that you just cleared.  They are with you always.  They see you and they hear you to this very day and each day to come as well.  They will be with you again and in the moments that you reunite, you won’t have to rehash old struggles.  Instead, you will be greeted with pure love.