The Grief Flu

It starts in October, the fatigue, body aches, sick stomach and the insomnia. I run through all the usual predictions of what could be wrong with me and this year I finally think I got it right....the grief flu.  It will be five years on November 17 that I lost my oldest daughter Jenna.  The symptoms begin when the weather changes and the leaves begin to turn to their beautiful fall colors but something just doesn't feel right.  She isn't here.  She isn't here to see the leaves or the pumpkins or finally feel the brisk wind on her face after a long warm summer.  My body knows, my heart knows, but yet my brain can't understand it.  last week as I was putting away groceries my front door opened and before I could turn around, for a quick second I thought "Jenna's home".  Five years and I'm still waiting for her to walk through the door.  I wonder if that will ever stop happening? I hope not because for that one second, in my mind, she's here and I'll take that one second any day.