Disenfranchised Grief: Miscarriage

Miscarriage grief has always been a minimized and invalidated ‘hidden grief’. My first miscarriage occurred when I was 27 years old. I had been blissfully married for five years and was elated to be pregnant. However, when I had a miscarriage during my third month of pregnancy, my elation turned to despair. In fact I become so despondent that felt as though I was being held under water—everything seemed muffled and distant. I remember that when my husband and I drove to see fields upon fields of brilliantly-hued orange poppies in the high desert near our Lancaster, Ca. home, I was aware that I could not fully see the vibrant colors all around me—it was as if all was in shadow. After my miscarriage my husband and I both experienced a huge sense of loss yet there was no socially recognized way to grieve or mourn our loss from miscarriage. I coped with my grief by staying very busy.

Disenfranchised grief
Disenfranchised grief is the name given for a loss that is not openly acknowledged, publicly mourned, or socially supported (Doka 2002). Disenfranchised grief can occur after miscarriage, abortion, or early infant death and is characterized by isolation and loneliness. If this has happened to you—no matter how long ago--your grief and guilt may still remain unresolved. If so, a grief coach can help you release your pain and guilt. Unresolved and unexpressed grief does not go away, it only goes deeper. We all deserve the peace of coming to terms with the past, especially from family loss.

After I came to terms with my past miscarriages, with the help of a grief coach, I had a dream about the baby I lost when I was 27.  In my dream my baby had come back to visit me and his or her spirit was floating peacefully above my bed.

To Remember:
1) Disenfranchised grief can occur after miscarriage, abortion, or early infant death and is characterized by isolation and loneliness.
2) Unresolved and unexpressed grief does not go away, it only goes deeper.
3) A grief coach can help you release your pain and co-create a ritual and memorial for your deceased loved one, if desired.  Do you know of anyone who is suffering from the pain of miscarriage or other disenfranchised grief?  If so, please refer them to Purple Lotus Coaching.

 Doka, K.J. (2002) Disenfranchised Grief: New directions, Challenges, and Strategies for Practice. Champaign, IL: Research Press