In every support group I conduct, I emphasize what science has long proven: For every thought and emotion we entertain there is a corresponding physical response throughout the body. That is, every cell is affected by what we are allowing to stay in our heads. This is a critical piece of information to contemplate. If you constantly think about your anger, fears, or guilt (real or imagined) your body is taking a hit.
These and other emotions will negatively affect the circulatory system, especially your blood pressure, as well as lower the efficiency of your immune system, as examples. For a period of time we can take these changes without noticeable damage. However, over time the constant focus on grief-related emotions results in illness and great energy loss.
On the other hand, taking time out each day for a designated rest and relaxation period can bring a much needed energy recharging. Consider the following.
1. If you allow yourself to grieve 24/7 you will eventually not simply be perpetually tired but you will be guaranteed a cold, severe headache, stomach ache or any other number of aches and pains. We all wear down over time, unless we take specific steps to refuel, rest, and be sure to hydrate. (It is essential that you drink water, preferably before and after your break.)
2. Allow yourself to let go of the false belief that by taking care of yourself and finding a few moments of enjoyment, you will be demeaning the memory of your loved one. It is okay to do something just for yourself each and every day. Go to the park, window shop, visit a friend, or listen to soothing music, whatever is pleasing to you.
3. If you feel a bit guilty when taking a break, try the following. Ask yourself what your loved one would want you to do. In fact, use your imagination and ask the question out loud and see what pops into your mind. Certainly he or she would not want you jeopardizing your health. Our loved ones would be the first to tell us to slow down and place our attention on something that will help us to prepare for our ongoing journey.
4. Many years ago an old college physiology teacher said: "Never stand when you can sit. Never sit when you can lie down. And never lie down when you can lie down and put your feet up. It's good for your heart." Of course, he knew we were all getting lots of exercise outside of class. Nevertheless, his advice is an excellent option for any griever who is taking a daily stress break.
5. When you take "time off," focus on the positive things you need to do to adapt to your new life. Appreciate what you still possess to work with and what you can do to improve it. What can you learn from your great loss? Forgive yourself for anything that has happened in the past. Let it go, as difficult as it may be. It will free you to live and adapt in the present moment. Otherwise, it will be most difficult for you to deal with the changes you face.
6. Finally, remember we live in an uncertain world. However, when the going gets tough, we are never-I repeat, never-out of choices and options. They are always out there and our task is to look for the ones we can use to our advantage each day. Ask for ideas. Copy the behaviors of those who cope well. Become an expert at your own inward journey. That is where the true success and ultimate triumph take place.
As you learn to take a break from your grief, knowing your loved one would want you to, the final action is to utilize what your inward journey suggests to you and translate it into specific behaviors. What you do counts big time. If you change, your grief will change for the better.
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