The First Anniversary of My Mother's Death

I am already thinking of the first anniversary of my Mother's death, although it is two months away. As a grief coach, I should know how I will plan to handle it; yet, to date, none of the traditional activities or rituals have resonated with me.

She lived to be 91 years of age and after a stroke left her bedridden for many years, she only ceased to exhibit her aura of love and magnetic smile several days before her passing. We are so blessed that we were able to care for her at home, and I have no regrets for leaving my job to spend more quality time with her. To be by her bedside when she called; to hold her hand; to pray with her; to watch her marvel at her grandson, granddaughter, and great-granddaughter; to listen to stories of her childhood and reminisce the highlights of her life; to enjoy morning coffee time together; and, to write a book about her and read it to her. There are so many great memories to forever cherish.

I've journaled all of my 'Firsties' (the first year of holidays, Mother's Day, special events, anniversaries, birthdays, etc. following a death). I've even experienced a great synchronicity of finding dimes during specific times of feeling Mother's presence. The support of family and close friends has been phenomenal. Of course, I've taken doses of my own medicine as far as practicing what I preach. Despite it all, as I approach the first anniversary, I am feeling lost as to how I will remember, honor, and celebrate 365 days without my Mother.

Light a candle; go to the cemetery; do one of her favorite activities; plan a family memorial dinner and fun time; plant a tree, flower, or plant; write another book; take a trip to pristine blue waters and parasail; volunteer at an organization; go shopping for something that she would admire; spend the night at a hermitage; make a memorial collage; take up a new hobby; plan a dance party; go on a dinner cruise; spend time at the park (although I do a lot of that... it's my favorite); wait and allow the spontaneous creativity to kick in; or, take a sabbatical day and do nothing at all (although quite difficult for me).

The grief journey is unique to each of us because we are all unique individuals. Do we ever complete the journey? Do we heal? Do we recover? Many professionals and authors on the subject have theories about the grieving process. Statistics say that it can take five to eight years to recover from a devastating loss. I say, with the proper tools, support, and action, it doesn't have to take that long. I do know that is true because when my father died many years ago, I indeed suffered that long. I didn't know about grief support resources; or, that the emotions of sadness, pain, and hurt were normal and natural responses to loss. I encourage anyone who is grieving the loss of a loved one to take advantage of the many grief support options that are available.

As I approach the first anniversary of Mother's death, I am so glad that life's path has taken me to working with bereaved persons, as I have personally benefitted in so many ways. I welcome your suggestions and comments on how you commemorated, or how you plan to commemorate, the first anniversary of your loved one's death.

Remember to cherish the memories and embrace the future.

Dora Carpenter is a Certified Grief Coach, Certified Life Coach, and founder of The ANIYA Group Life Coaching Center. She is also a Licensed Trainer of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway®. She has worked in the death care industry for over 13 years and her grief coaching practice offers hope, encouragement and support. Dora has authored several books on the subject and has been a guest on podcasts, radio, and television. Read more at http://www.fromgrieftogratitude.com and http://www.doracarpenter.com.