Through the Keyhole

THROUGH THE KEYHOLE

By C L Snapp

     Mobile communication devices, social media, and Wi-Fi now make it almost impossible to remain free from the constant bombardment of information.   Within these information sources, heavy emphasis and attention is focused on our differences.  In some areas, racial emphasis is closely rivaling the levels of divide experienced during the late 1960’s.

         However, loss of life knows no divide, no boundaries.  Ethnicity, culture, gender, religion, sexual preference, age, profession, education, financial status, plant nor marine-life is immune.  All will experience loss at some point; though an individual’s response to loss may be directly connected of those factors.

     The response factor to loss is as varied as the wind-driven snow during mid-December.  No two losses will ever be duplicated.  Factors such as relationship, cause, duration, notification, support systems, prior loss, and belief systems all weigh heavily into the response factor. 

     Perceived expectations of others, whether real or imagined, create another challenging dynamic to the grief journey.  The added stress to respond as you believe others believe you should is a constant battle we can choose not to fight, if we accept the truth that loss impacts everyone differently.  This is a journey designed specifically for you, yet you do not journey alone.  This in and of itself is the oxymoron.

     A journey only you can travel, yet you aren’t traveling alone.  This journey will test you inside out and back again.  Everything you thought you believed, with windows thrown wide open, that you never knew existed; your beliefs will be simply tossed to the wind.  Many times you may find yourself tempted to jump from one—but this is only part of the test.

     You will gird yourself with the truth that resides within you, and reinforcing truth will be administered to you from sources unknown to you.

     The imagery of the keyhole reveals the multitude of challenges, emotions, and battles someone dealing with loss may be experiencing and many times battling several of them at the same time.

     Yesterday it may have been fear, suicide, and blame.  Today, you may find yourself battling depression, anger, and apprehension.  Tomorrow, it may be sadness, insecurity, and anxiety.  How much easier would it be for those dealing with loss and their family members, friends, co-workers, and others if life enabled them  the ability to peer through the keyhole to your soul—that they might see and understand the battle that rages within you. 

     The ups, downs, torments, and chaos; many of us experience when dealing with grief.  Few, if any, invited this loss to their family—an uninvited, unwanted guest—a party crasher!

     On average, a person of good health has battled two or three of these challenges during their lifetime; but no one would volunteer to take them all on at exactly the same time.  This will probably be the greatest battle of your entire lifetime; even greater than the anticipation of your own death, which may be pale in comparison to this portion of your journey.

     I arrive at that conclusion based on the courage, strength, and determination you have acquired during this battle with grief.  The battle that left you bloody, torn, beaten, and yes, even broken; yet somehow, you lived.

     When the smoke cleared, and you opened your eyes and lifted your head to see if it was safe for you to move about—when you began to pull one limb after the other up and out of the mud and mire, and sat up for the first time; then paused for a breath.

     When you continued on, one small movement after another—both arms stretched out in front as you felt your way through the encompassing darkness, occasionally bending down to touch the ground, testing it for stability; carefully and cautiously raising one foot at a time placing it slightly in front of the other.  This is what I base my conclusion on; that our loved ones greatest desire for us is, that we do not give up or give in.  We keep going, growing, loving and living; because as we carry them in our hearts, they too continue to grow, love and live. 

     However long it takes you to open your eyes, matters not.  However long it takes you to reach the seated position, matters not.  All that matters is that you don’t quit.

     Never believe your own determination that tells you, “I can’t do this.”  You may believe that, and you may repeat it over and over again, perhaps a million times—just don’t do it.

     The amazing thing I realized recently—I never once told myself, “I won’t do this.”  It never occurred to me.  The truth and love that lies within us supersedes even our wildest imagination.  A gazillion times I said, “I can’t do this.”  Yet, never once did I utter the phrase, “I won’t do this.” 

     Love never dies.  It’s okay if you wear every emotion in that keyhole before lunch on any given day.  Find comfort in knowing that you are only growing more courageous, stronger, compassionate, wiser, and loving with every single passing moment.

     Until we have the pleasure of meeting on the other side, gathered with our loved ones, may you find peace in knowing you were chosen and gifted for a purpose.

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