Anniversaries are so hard

5 months: Wednesday 24 September

Posted by Zell on September 25, 2014 at 5:00amView Blog

The deep dull ache intensifies on weekly and monthly "anniversaries". The 5 month mark dawned on Wednesday 24 September.  I bought 5 red helium-filled balloons - one popped on the way home.

I felt physically ill from the grief and longing.  I was shaky and could barely scribble legibly on the balloons before releasing them into a gusting wind from our apartment balcony.  They were gone within seconds: out of sight - just like you.  I hope you were watching.  I hope you know that my love for you is even greater and more intense than it was before.  You always said you couldn't understand why I loved you so much...

I felt so ill and had to lie down. The rest of the day I was barely able to lift my head off the pillow.  I miss you beyond all description.  I ache with longing for your touch, a big engulfing bear hug, the sound of your sweet voice.

My heart, soul, body and spirit are afflicted.  I am forever broken, forever changed.  I cannot wait to be with you again.  I love you forever my dear sweet Freddy.