HERE I AM

My hands are shaking, I can't seem to get even a drink,

i look around, what must people think?

i am just 57 years old and sometimes i don't know,

I don't know my name, and I most surely don't know yours,

It can't be easy for you to watch, 

But HERE I AM ts so hard for me to do.

i listen to you talk to your daughter and Scott, then treat me like 

I am not allowed in here...which, I'm not.

my words and my thoughts they come and quickly go,

I stumble and fall , put on quite a show,

Some of you laugh to cover your pain,

Others gets mad and yell like its my fault,

That it is all just a game.

You put me in my room, saying "don't get up", the door closes. 

I get up and with just a little more convincing, I

am taken back again, the door closes loudly behind him once more.

there to be left, and there to be ignored..

The mind is a terrible thing to waste, and to watch it leave you

From inside this shell, trying to yell, "'IT'S ME,  HERE I AM

'I AM STILL HERE'....Well its a sadness that can't be explained,.

To be called and treated like you are stupid by the ones

who say they love you most is a grief so hard to bare, and even harder

to share,

I am ashamed of the things I do and the things I say, my "accidents",

I cannot help, but you treat me like I do it just to upset you.

To have your daughters walk out of your life, say you are dead,

They were gonna protect me, at least that is what my heart said

and to have a husband hurt you mentally and physically as well as his daughter,

come in and take over your home, 

leaving you with nothing to call your own.

So as all these words has jumped from my head, 

i hope it makes sense to people who know, Dementia can move fast

or very, very slow.

But everyday it takes part of me and I can't fight it if you won't

fight with me.

I need your help if I am gonna last

cause God and I didn't come this far to crash.

I'm sorry my words went from one thing to another, 

I have only one question to ask,,,Has anyone seen my Mother?

Mom, I am scared and your baby needs you.

So  HERE I AM, HELP ME PLEASE, 

you want me to remember it write it down in threes!