Don't Forget About the Children Affected by Loss

When adults are asked about the children who have been affected by a loss, I usually hear common responses such as, "They are doing well," "They are doing better than we are," or "We haven't talked too much in front of them." Although difficult, and somewhat uncomfortable, it is important that we address grief with children too.

Death is a confusing topic for children and it is challenging to comprehend the idea that someone is never coming back, especially during special days such as birthdays and the holidays. There are many questions that follow a death, and one must be able to provide support to children as they begin to accept the reality of this loss in their lives.

It is important to recognize and be aware that children grieve also. Their grief may appear to look different from adult grief, but it is a necessary process for healing and moving forward with their lives. If not addressed and supported through the grief experience, a child's unresolved grief might manifest in other, sometimes unhealthy, ways later in life. A common misconception is to hide your emotions from children to keep up the façade that everything is okay, or that you are strong. Talking and sharing your feelings with children shows that you are human and that it is okay to express your feelings about the loss of a family member.

Death often becomes the elephant in the room in order to protect children. One of the most important things you can do during this holiday season and beyond is to listen to your child and talk about their feelings.

Patience and honesty is also a key factor when dealing with children who have experienced a loss. Death is not easy to talk about, especially when grieving yourself. Be patient, as young children may not understand right away and will often ask many questions as they try to comprehend this deviation from the norm in their lives. Be as honest as possible, but also consider the age of the child, when discussing the death. Be careful, however, not to fabricate stories although it might seem the right thing to do at the time. Remember, children grow up to be adults and will recall not only the loss, but the stories they were told about the death.

How can you help or receive help with children's grief? Participate in a local activity on Children's Grief Awareness Day on November 20, 2014.

Wear blue on November 20th to support Children's Grief Awareness Day. Find out more at http://www.fromgrieftogratitude.com/children-s-grief.

Dora Carpenter, certified grief coach, certified life coach, and founder of The ANIYA Group Life Coaching Center, is known for challenging you to move from grief to gratitude and motivating you to do so. She has worked in the death care industry for over 14 years and has appeared as a guest on podcasts, radio, and television.