No matter how hard we try, some memories fade and there are just things we do not remember. Some people have vivid memories of their childhood, others remember only a scattered selection. As we age short term memory slips away quickly, but the distant past remains. When we begin to forget our own identity we experience the loss of everything that we are. The sadness of that loss is inexpressible.
2008 was a rough year. It was the year we unexpectedly said a tragic goodbye to our 18 year old son. It was the year my mother suffered through breast cancer. It was the year we said goodbye to our stepdad of 28 years, Harold. In some ways it does not seem very long ago, and in other ways it seems like a lifetime ago. Mom now lives here in the same city, for which we are very grateful. She has her times of extreme loneliness and grief, yet manages to smile and enjoy good times as well.
In a dream, I'm walking through a beautiful space with tall windows from floor to ceiling. There are no square corners anywhere, and every room flows gracefully into the next. A metal spiral staircase leads to a bedroom with a stunning mountain view. A young boy is at my side walking through the apartment with me.
"Everything changes when you change."
Jim Rohn
Creating a written plan to accomplish an important task or to deal with a massive life change is a prerequisite to maximize success. All professionals tell us the same thing: Get it down on paper so you can chart progress and make adjustments when needed. Doing our grief work is no different.
My name is Michael Stalter and my wife, Mary, died from breast cancer January 6, 2008. As she was in the hospital for the last time I came face to face with all the different scenarios that Mary and I had talked about since she was first diagnosed with cancer back in 1990. We had tried to plan for the day when I would leave the hospital without her and how I should go on with my life and how I should finish raising our children, Tom 18, and Sarah who had turned 13 the day before.
Discovering Love
by Barbara Ann Simone
"It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use, from time to time, of playful deeds... "
Thomas Aquinas
Everyone has negative thoughts on a daily basis. No one escapes this condition. Many factors, not the least being our early childhood conditioning and social environment, influence the intensity and repetition of the negative. Beliefs about the self and our abilities also play major roles in forming the kinds of thoughts that habitually pop into our minds.
For those well-meaning family and friends who say, “I know how you feel,” be aware that this statement is usually made because a person is at a loss for words under devastating circumstances. What it can really mean is, “My heart breaks for you and I don’t know what to say.”
