How are we to talk in this sort of loneliness that is unspeakable? We cannot seem to get the right words, or even a word, that comes close to describing how we feel. These are the most discouraging of places.
In today’s society we are in such a rush to get on with things that when a loved one dies we don’t fully understand the need to slow down. Indeed North American and British societies support this with the fact they only give three days bereavement leave for close family members. As a result there is an expectation that we can move through grief quickly and it becomes challenging when this doesn’t happen.
There is a huge misconception about grief in that it’s something we have to get over. Ask anyone who has lost a loved one and they’ll tell you it’s not about getting over anything. It’s about learning to adapt to unwelcome change. It’s about learning to live after loss. It’s about moving through grief to find peace. It’s about discovering how to keep your loved one in your life. It’s about still having the courage to love and be open to the gifts that life can bring.
When a loved one dies we are left with a gaping hole in our lives. There is such a sense of absence of their physical presence. The way they hugged us is gone. The way they smiled is gone. The way they filled a room just by being in it is gone. We don’t know how to fill this hole and indeed some of us don’t even want to.
Grief takes time and it usually takes much longer than we think. This is not because the old adage of “Time Heals” is true but because we don’t actually understand what we need to do to move beyond grief. If we look around we can find many people who are in the same place as us. Whilst this comforts us and makes us feel less alone in our pain it doesn’t necessarily help us move forward. The paradox is that those who have moved beyond their grief generally don’t tend to spend time talking about it.
2012 Bobby Resciniti Healing Hearts Angel Walk Photos – A wonderful time despite the rain.
The grief and loss over the death of my husband left me in some kind of way. I am going to tell the truth in love, but the truth none the less. Becoming human again was something that seemed and was so far away from me, I tell you! Finding out what happened to him, was worse than the shock I felt as a little girl sitting there in front of the TV and watching Walter Cronkite drop his microphone as he relayed the news that President Kennedy had died from being shot in the head!
It’s a challenge for many people when it comes to letting go of loss. There can be resistance as letting go is viewed as letting go of your loved one. This misunderstanding causes people to stay stuck in the pain of grief. What is misunderstood is that letting go of loss actually means moving away from the pain so that you are able to create a new and stronger connection to your loved one that will support you as you move forward.
There are many benefits to taking time out in nature whilst grieving. Too often we do not give ourselves the space that we need. By going to nature we can create this space. What is even more powerful is that nature has the ability to reduce our stress and boost our immune system. By being outside feel-good chemicals are released in the brain that can help change the way that we feel. Our brain in nature experiences the same frequency as it does when we meditate which means our pain naturally lessens in nature.
