Danielle J.

At age 19, I was diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome, and my hopes of having a child diminished more each year. A little more than 12 years after my diagnosis, I went to the emergency room with what I was told were bladder spasms, only to find out I was 37 weeks pregnant. My fiancée and I were extremely excited, even though I knew I had undergone no prenatal care. The technician did an ultra sound, and found the baby in distress.
My daughter was born with her heart on the right side of her chest, no kidneys, no internal or external sexual organs, and only a small portion of one leg. All of this happened because I am taking a seizure medication that causes birth defects. I was also under the assumption that I could not get pregnant, so I did not use the necessary protection.
My beautiful baby passed away five hours and twenty-three minutes after the emergency C-section. I had genetic testing done to find out the gender, and to rule out some other complex issues.
These last four months have been the hardest of my life. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her. I look at her pictures every day, and think about the "what ifs?". If I had only known there was a greater possibility for me to get pregnant, I would have tried a different medication.
Four months later, some of this mess makes sense, in a "life kicked me while I was down" sort of way. I hope that others on this website are able to sympathize/empathize with me in some way. Some days are still a lot harder than others. She was so beautiful and tiny and innocent....why did she have to go........