You Know You Are A Bereaved Daughter If...

Losing my mom when I was only twenty five has given me an entirely new perspective on life. It’s made me very different from the person I was prior to the grief and loss. I find myself seeing things and doing things differently than others. Here is a list I have created of things I do differently and how I see certain things now that I am now motherless.

1.)    You have a special box or boxes in your house filled with your mother’s worldly possessions. Only close friends know about this and even fewer have seen the contents.

2.)    Mother’s Day is no longer celebrated by going out to eat or with cake and ice cream. It’s spent at the beach or the graveyard without her even being there.

3.)    You always notice she is missing at all family events.

4.)    You save a place for her at holiday dinners, just in case she walks through the door.

5.)    The statements “She’s in a better place” or “Everything happens for a reason” are deal breakers when it comes to friendships.

6.)    The question “Does your mom watch the children for you?” is one you sometimes answer with a lie and say “yes” to those you are not close with. It’s easier than explaining everything and bringing old emotions to the surface.

7.)    You have a Pinterest boards filled with quotes, sayings and blogs entitled “Missing Mom” or “Motherless Daughter.”

8.)    You often refer to points in your life as “before she passed” or “after she passed.”

9.)    Hearing stories of friends that have fights with their mother or complain of how stressful their mother is makes you turn a deaf ear. You would give anything to have another argument with your mother or have her here to stress you out. In fact, those things wouldn’t be big deals anymore because at least she would still be here.

10.) You feel disconnected at times with friends that still have their mother’s. No amount of explaining or crying can help them understand what you have been through.

11.) You see other girls with their mothers and often wonder what you would be doing with your own mom at that very minute.

12.) You wonder what she would look like right now.

13.) You still call her phone number in hopes she might just answer.

14.) You send her emails in hopes she might reply.

15.) You no longer become upset over your age at your next birthday. You know that growing old is a privilege and honor that many are denied.

16.) You cling tightly to your children and spend every minute telling them you love them. You never want them to feel the pain and loss over losing you as their mother like you have felt.

17.) You feel an instant connection with other motherless daughters regardless of life experiences. That one loss is an instant bond.

18.) You are terrified you will have to leave your own children too soon because we are not promised tomorrow.

19.) The thought of growing up to be just like your mother when you were younger was a nightmare. Now, you pray you will turn out every bit like her.

20.) You still find yourself talking to her out loud when you are going through struggles. The kind that only mom could help you through.