Only one now holds the wishes, hopes and dreams that belonged to a couple. Homes to build, trips to take, children to raise, that once were a couples plan are now the plan of one. Why do widows stay up at night? We’re attempting to recreate a world we believed we had for a lifetime. Nothing is the same and everything, everything has changed.
Lying in bed, children asleep, I wondered how I was going to do it all. Be the mother and father figure, divide myself amongst four children? Do the girlie things with my daughters and throw a football with my boys? How will I, alone, be able to protect them, guide them, and support them? Who will support me???
Where will the money come from to pay for our living, let alone the college years ahead? Do I go back to work, and lose the small social security paid to me only to have to earn enough to pay for childcare?
What if something happens to me? Who will then care for my children? Who will love them as I do? Who will listen to their future dreams and tell them it will be ok?
Well, I did all of the above and still do to a great extent. I have survived, through those most difficult years and so will you. You may not be able to wrap your mind around ever feeling good again both physically and mentally, but you will and you can begin today!
There are several steps you will need to take and I mean literally. First, go and purchase a new pair of walking shoes, yes walking shoes. Drag yourself out of bed, wash your face and go shopping. You’re gong to embark on the first of many wonderful things that you will begin to do for yourself. It all starts with that first step!
Now plan out your route. I started with walking up and down my block tens times at 5:30am while the children were still asleep. That was the beginning of what became a 2.5-mile daily walking regimen for myself. Next get yourself a CD player or MP3 player and download/purchase 1 or 2 inspiring and uplifting programs. I would suggest Maryann Williamsons “A women’s Worth”, Wayne Dyer’s earlier work Pulling Your Own Strings”, Iylana VaZant’s “In the Meantime- Finding Yourself and the Love You Want” or any one of your favorite inspirational writers. These will now be your walking companions.
This is the first step to allowing yourself, giving yourself permission, to care about you. You can gain clarity and then begin to discover the answers to the questions that may be keeping you up at night.
If not now, when?