What Keeps Widows up at Night: It’s Not the Coffee

Only one now holds the wishes, hopes and dreams that belonged to a couple.  Homes to build, trips to take, children to raise, that once were a couples plan are now the plan of one.  Why do widows stay up at night? We’re attempting to recreate a world we believed we had for a lifetime. Nothing is the same and everything, everything has changed.


Lying in bed, children asleep, I wondered how I was going to do it all. Be the mother and father figure, divide myself amongst four children? Do the girlie things with my daughters and throw a football with my boys?  How will I, alone, be able to protect them, guide them, and support them? Who will support me???


Where will the money come from to pay for our living, let alone the college years ahead? Do I go back to work, and lose the small social security paid to me only to have to earn enough to pay for childcare?


What if something happens to me? Who will then care for my children? Who will love them as I do? Who will listen to their future dreams and tell them it will be ok?


Well, I did all of the above and still do to a great extent.  I have survived, through those most difficult years and so will you.  You may not be able to wrap your mind around ever feeling good again both physically and mentally, but you will and you can begin today!


There are several steps you will need to take and I mean literally.  First, go and purchase a new pair of walking shoes, yes walking shoes. Drag yourself out of bed, wash your face and go shopping.  You’re gong to embark on the first of many wonderful things that you will begin to do for yourself.  It all starts with that first step!


Now plan out your route. I started with walking up and down my block tens times at 5:30am while the children were still asleep.  That was the beginning of what became a 2.5-mile daily walking regimen for myself.  Next get yourself a CD player or MP3 player and download/purchase 1 or 2 inspiring and uplifting programs. I would suggest Maryann Williamsons “A women’s Worth”, Wayne Dyer’s earlier work Pulling Your Own Strings”, Iylana VaZant’s  “In the Meantime- Finding Yourself and the Love You Want” or any one of your favorite inspirational writers. These will now be your walking companions.


This is the first step to allowing yourself, giving yourself permission, to care about you.  You can gain clarity and then begin to discover the answers to the questions that may be keeping you up at night.


If not now, when?


About the Author
Audrey is a Health Counselor to widowed women, working with them to create a new role for themselves and face the world again without pain. Having been widowed at the age of 38 with 4 young children, Audrey initially sought out the assistance of those professionals she thought might be able to help, but who in fact had no experience in working with a young widow with years of raising children ahead of her. Experience the absence of support in the traditional medical system, Audrey pursued complimentary therapies and earned certification in Guided Imagery, Yoga and Meditation. She used these skills along with her Masters Degree in Health Science and 37 years in the health care industry as a Registered Nurse and Case Manager, to successfully find her own way through the pain and anxiety, create a new vibrant life for herself, and is now committed to helping other widowed women do the same. Her goal as a Health Counselor is to be a guide through the journey of widowhood, provide an empathetic and safe place to grow through the grief, create a complete wellness plan, to connect her clients with other related professionals familiar with the challenges of a widowed woman, and ultimately to support them as they create a new role for themselves and step out confidently into the world.
I'm Grieving, Now What?