Grief's a Bitch

I swear, and I probably swear too much, but some times, some words I really and deeply mean it.  And this is one of those words and times where I swear through gritted teeth.

Grief is a two faced, low life bitch.  The definition of a bitch in the dictionary is a malicious, spiteful, overbearing woman.  Malicious - nasty, cruel, harsh and intending to do harm. Spiteful -  cutting, straight to the heart kind of meanness.  Overbearing - oppressive, arrogant and masterful.  But why a woman?  Why not call it a man?  Because women give birth to new life and so does grief if we treat her right.

You think you have dealt with her, put her in her place and finished with her til she rears her ugly head with a new death or new crisis in your world. But no, she's also sneaky & underhand!  She likes to sit quietly next to you on the couch at night.  Sometimes she's well mannered and let's you watch your programs, take part in conversation and get on with life. She will whisper during ad breaks so you don't miss the action.  But then, then she gets nasty again.  No more sideline action!  No, she's got to jump up and down in front of the tv like a petulant toddler demanding your full attention. She's going to attack you in the car when you're alone, become the DJ who controls the music so that every track brings back a memory that will reduce you to tears. 

Focus you say.  Focus on the positives, Focus on your family, your friends, your work, your damned embroidery!  Focus on anything that makes her sod off and leave you alone again.  Sometimes she'll behave and do that, and just settle back next to you while you watch Jamie Oliver or Grand Designs in peace.

Every now and then though, you face something big.  You want to watch that epic movie, or that brand new series.  Life we're talking about, not real TV.  You're newest role, your next life event, maybe a significant birthday.  Then suddenly, there Grief is being a frypan swinging, demonically possessed, screaming bitch from hell right in your face.  She won't move.  You try to push her away physically by running, by working hard, by travelling.  Nope, she's going to be there standing on the kerb when you get there!

So, you try to outsmart her!  Being super kind, super generous, super friendly, super efficient.  Because surely to Hell, if you do all that and use the mantra "Do unto others" then she'll do unto you and be nice.  Then you realise she's conspired with them all in secret.  They don't even know themselves do they?  She's conspired so they all take you for granted, ignore you, get snarly with you.  She thinks you'll blame them, and if you don't know her well, then you will.  So you're more on an even footing if you realise she's done this, and they are just being their normal selves. 

Hide.  That will work.  Ignore the phone, the emails and the door.  Oh yes, that's right, she's already inside!  Ha!  Failure she says.  You've failed at everything she says, you can't control anything she says. So you go and sit very very quietly and hope that will work.  It does for a while, but then you realise that you're an afterthought even to this obsessive creature called Grief.  She's not really after you, she's after everyone, you're not special, you really are just a miniscule part  of the universe that nobody puts first.  Oh yes, the person you're grieving put you first didn't they?  See, there she is again, twisting it all around to make you feel rotten. 

So... next? 

What do you actually do to put her in her place? 

You wait.
You make coffee.
You do nice things
You fill your day
You hope.