The last couple of days I've noticed just how strong along with fast the emotions come on.  No matter what day, what time, where you are, the emotions take a strong hold on you, leaving you feeling paralysed with tears in your eyes no matter who is around.  Grief takes no thoughts on where or who is around.  I think it hits us harder due to the fact we feel it still should not feel this heart wrenching.  That is the problem we're so worried of how it should be that we worry it is not suppose to feel like this still.  Not true, these emotions will forever come into our hearts,  we need to understand that there not here to stay.  It is only our hearts reminding us that our loved ones passed will forever be missed.  Say good bye to what people say about how you should feel to understand grieving will always be a part of our heart.


Don't suppress your feelings they are there for a reason, it is part of who we are, to stress about the emotions you still feel only makes it worse.  Often times it is triggered by something in remembrance of, for me when I look to my daughter the thoughts of her growing up with out her Daddy, that he left her too soon, that his love for her was a love that should be here, that she was robbed of such UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is what brings the emotions inside me leaving me feeling a pain that is indescribable along with paralysed.  I wear my emotions proud, never embarrassed, never trying to hide behind it, always straight forward to speak of it if approached or seen.  Let go of the feelings of guilt for still feeling the pain, it is our hearts way of reminding us that what we have been through was something that will never be forgotten.


The emotions rage inside you so strongly not caring what you are doing nor where you are.  In reminder of a huge significant life that once was.  Feel the emotions, give yourself the time to feel it, leave the guilt of the pain out of it.  It is no one Else's body but your own.  Often times I noticed the quickest ones to judge are those who have never experienced the huge loss of losing someone of such great significance to their life.  If you keep allowing yourself to worry that the pain should still not be as well as it's been long enough, makes it much more worse on yourself as well as your mind.  Grieving will never not be a part of us, it is a way to let us know what we have been through was so powerful that our hearts will always feel the impact, that our loved ones passed were a huge impact in our life as well as our hearts, that the pain is a reminder of that.


Embrace your pain, give it time to impact your body, hold on strong, remember it is not there to stay just to stop by to make sure you have not forgotten that your old life you had to let go was of great momentous, that your heart is blessed with true love, true love always remains, that is why we feel the emotions of a typhoon rushing through us, true love wants you to remember it will always be with you no matter where you are in this world.  Statistics are just words, leave them behind you, understand that in grief we will always remember the beauty of the scar that shines bright out to the world showing we were gifted with the truest of love in our life.  People who put limits on grieving I believe do it due too the fact that it may give hope as well as positive feelings to those grieving to know that in time the pain will subside.  It is true the pain eases, yet sometimes the pain is as though how it was on the day you lost your loved ones passed, that is when you have to understand that it is not there to stay as well as it is normal.  The most important thing is to know as fast as it came it will leave, also to not judge yourself, to not feel guilty, to not feel you are different as well as feel you must be doing something wrong. It has been one year for me, no matter how bad of a day I have I understand it is OK, that it does not mean I'm not healing, that something is wrong, I just understand it is a part of who I am.



When emotions hit fast I take them one second at a time.

  • Most times I go out into the world to see that life is still being lived, that in pain it does not stop.
  • I turn to my paper to write what ever it is I am feeling.  Writing helps more than you know, it is as though you write the pain away letting it escape your body.
  • I always reach out for support around me if needed, being with loved ones as well as friends helps the pain to ease up.
  • Looking to my daughter, seeing that my loved one passed is a part of her, through her he is with us.  Your loved ones passed family holds a piece of them as well.
  • Taking deep breaths, allowing myself to take the time I need to feel it through.
  • Remembering that one great moment in time that I felt strongly in my stomach.  A burst of out of this world good feeling.
  • Taking a hot bath, allowing myself to just be alone to relax for just a few.
  • Writing letters to my loved one passed letting it go tied to a balloon.
  • Visiting where my loved one passed was put to rest, to just be there to honor our love.  To be able to just sit and take in all that is around me.
  • I surround myself with his family, through them lays a part of him, as well as doing all the things he loved doing.
  • Getting out no matter how hard it is to help others, to make others smile, seeing you are helping strengthens your heart, it strengthens the heart to beat the pain to see others smile or that you have helped.
  • Remind myself that the pain is not here to stay, that soon enough it will subside.


In the midst of it all we must allow ourselves to think clearly, not to let the pain fog our thoughts, to understand the pain will ease up, that in us we have the power to hold on as well as make it past the pain yet again.  We are so quick to judge our self that we forget just how powerful we are, we forget to see just how far we have come.  Take realisations in the fact that you have made it through the most horrific of things that could happen to anyone, that there is not anything that you can not get through.  Never feel as though you are a burden, your family along with friends will be there, if truly loved by them they will be there through it all.  Take advice from all lightly allowing it to go through one ear out the other.  Our loved ones passed will forever be with us, it is their true love that will always carry us through our horrific emotions.  Understanding while being in the pain it gets very dark, yet fighting back the darkness along with the pain turns the dark in to a bright light around you.  Remembering in our hearts that our loved ones passed will forever remain makes the pain disappear.



Through the emotions I often times find myself feeling as though I am failing, the strong emotions come on so quick as well as hard that often it leaves us breathless, it leaves us in shock not having the time to think.  Just take a step back, take the time you need to get back to your feet, then hold on tight to push forward telling yourself "this is not abnormal, like all the other times it will pass".  We all have it in us to make it past yet another whirl wind of emotions, that through out the pain the beauty awaits to hug you.  Your hopes restore, your smile takes form, your memory returns, your thoughts remind you that it has happened so many times yet here you still are, no matter how many times we get knocked down we rise back up in honor of the true love our lives were gifted.  It is because of our loved ones passed we will always rise above.  Our loved ones passed will never let us fall to stay down, our loved ones passed will forever carry us through our life.  Forever they will be sending blessings in our life, the doors to all of what we dream will open.  Believe in your heart that our loved ones passed will take care of us always even though not to be seen.


NOTE TO ALL:  Our hearts will forever be feeling the typhoon of pain, understand that as fast as it appears it will leave.  How strong the pain is does not mean you are failing the process of grieving, it only means that your heart has loved the biggest.  Do not allow yourself to believe that time has control on grief, true love is forever, there is no hold nor time on true love.  In fact that is why we will always carry grief with us, true love is forever, so forever will our hearts feel it.  Your strength will be enough, even in times of doubt.  Our loved ones passed will forever remain.  The emotions of grief will forever leave footprints in our hearts.  Do not despair the pain you feel, it is, it will always be a part of life, it is normal, just know YOU ARE OK AND NOT FAILING.  Time is not a part of it, love is.  Starting this blog I was asked do you have a diploma?, certificate?, anything for psychology?, being through it is my degree, knowing the emotions as well as experiences I've been through is what comes from my heart, still going through it is more than anything that can be taught to me.  I take all of what I have been through to share it through words for everyone to take comfort in knowing they are not different nor abnormal, also in hopes you all that read take some kind of comfort in my experiences, that even just a little it may help you.  I always make sure each post I type comes from my heart out to all of yours.



Tonya O



About the Author
BLOGGER FOR ALL GRIEVING ON THE JOURNEY TO WRITING A BOOK "Spouse to Angels in the City" Widow for 11 months also mother of a beautiful little girl http://widowinthecity.blogspot.com
What is Grief?