Finding Thanks in Thanksgiving When Missing Your Loved One

We know "thanks" as an expression of gratitude and appreciation. It is not usually used in the context of grief and loss, so this article forces you to think, look, and feel outside of the box.

Thanksgiving... one of the busiest travel days of the year. Why? Because it is a time of family togetherness; sharing and reminiscing good and not-so-good times; reliving childhood memories; meeting and welcoming new members to the family; celebrating accomplishments made during the year; and, of course, feasting on traditional dishes.

But, what about that big elephant in the room that some choose not to mention, fearing it might dampen the happy mood? Do you talk about your loved one even though your conversation is past tense? Do you quietly go along with the happiness in the air and "pretend" to be okay? Do you wonder if they even remember that someone in your life (or in the room) is missing and you are not feeling the family togetherness? Do you suffer in silence or be bold and break the ice by talking about your loved one?

The holiday season can be difficult when you are missing a loved one, whether the death was this year or many years ago. It is important to only do what you feel comfortable with, even if that means letting family members and friends know that you aren't up to attending the family dinner this year. Here is a recommended exercise that might help you to feel thankful during the Thanksgiving holiday:

• Purchase a box or pack of blank note cards, or 3x5 cards. You will need at least ten cards.

• Write a note of thanks to yourself on each card thanking yourself for something that you did, said, shared, etc. with your loved one. For example, "Dora, thank you for the untiring and loving care and support that you gave your Mother during her illness. It was greatly appreciated."

• Place each card in the envelope and put your name on the outside.

• By the time you have written 8 to 10 thank you notes, you will probably begin to shift and hopefully begin to feel a sense of gratitude.

Another option for this exercise is to write the notes to your loved one expressing gratitude for times shared, lessons learned, and memories cherished. Another option is to write and mail personal thank you notes to others who cared and supported you during the time of your loved one's death.

Either way, I encourage you to find thanks, meaning, and purpose in your life this Thanksgiving Day and throughout the holiday season.

As a bereavement care consultant with over 15 years experience in the death care industry, Dora Carpenter offers personal and professional development training in life transitions, grief, and fear. She is an author, speaker, coach, trainer, and mentor and has been recognized by the National Association of Distinguished Professionals as a professional in her field. More about Dora Carpenter at http://www.doracarpenter.com/the-grief-corner.