Thought of you today


I thought about you today like every other day, but today is a special day. Today marks the day that we stopped making memories together and I had to say goodbye. Oh how I didn't want to. What I really wanted to do is scream at the top of my lungs for you to come back, but I knew you weren't hear me. How I wanted so much for the doctors to continue working on you, but I knew by the look on their face that they had done everything they could. Your heart was weak and could not bear anymore. As I looked at you laying there, oh how peaceful and rested you seemed. Finally, you had the one thing you had wanted for a very long time and that was that there was no more pain. I remember how you told me that you wish there was no more pain. As we talked about us and we talked about the future, you didn't seem to include yourself. 

As I thought about you, I thought back a few days back. Oh how I wanted to go to the window with you and watch the fireworks. But you just weren't up to doing that and we sat in that hospital room on the bench together. I remember you placing your head on my shoulder and told me you loved me. But you also made me make a promise to you and every day since you been gone I have tried to keep that promise. I will continue on living a life without you, only there are pieces of you that are with me. As long as I live and breath there will always be a piece of you in me. 

I began to think back to the month of May, to the 20th to be exact. That was the day that we united into marriage 22 yrs ago. I remember that night in the hospital, oh how you schemed with our neighbor and then the hospital staff. But you knew that would be our last together, you even told our neighbor. Oh the roses were beautiful and the card will always be in my heart as will the memory of how I was lured out of the room, so that the roses could be brought in. 

It's been 3 yrs, but it seems like it was only yesterday. I can still hear you call my name, feel your touch, smell your scent. I still hear your laughter as you talk with the hospital staff. It's been 3 yrs and you are still loved and missed by many that you left behind. How can we say goodbye? I don't think that is possible, the only thing that comes to mind to say is see you later. 

James, Jimmy and dad we all come together 3 yrs later to say "see you later"
About the Author
I am 49 yrs old. I have been a widow for 3 yrs. I have 2 adult children and 3 grand children with 1 on the way. I work for an auction company that my late husband helped get started. I like to fish, hunt, camping, 4 wheeling, riding horses...etc.
What is Grief?